/lit/ - Literature

>>18701159
It's nothing special really - just something that aligns with the "traditional" definition of depression where I don't really feel emotions or pleasure, and since this all started 6-7 years ago there's been zero refractory periods, meaning I've forgotten what it's like to be a normal person. Life like this is basically just one long process of coping with the disease, hoping one day it may be cured, and doing what's required to survive from day to day. I actually remember the exact last time I felt a real emotion - it was listening to a song on my headphones in a car in Winter 2017. Since then it's like my emotions don't exist, or if they exist, it's like they're buried under 2000 ft. of ice and you only get the vague impression they're occurring somewhere in your body, far too distant to leave any lasting impact. Because of that, every day feels the same.

The worst part is no one seems to understand exactly what I'm talking about except for other people with the same condition. I guess language fails to adequately convey what I'm talking about. 99% of people, when they read the above, assume I'm speaking fancifully and using metaphors or something, because they still recommend I do things like join clubs or make new friends, when if they really understood the meaning of the above, they would understand that this disease precludes normal happiness by nature. My brain doesn't produce the "feel-good" chemicals that make socializing enjoyable anymore, so even if I do it, there is no benefit, it's just a waste of time and energy. Even if I don't recover in another 6-7 years, I just wish more people understood what this is, but even my own family can't understand.