/lit/ - Literature

>>18361172
I am hopelessly tethered to my inability to put things off to the side. I'm going to be NEETing for the next three months or so and somehow have it in my head I can complete over eighty projects--writing and otherwise--in that time. Something is genuinely wrong with me. All I want to do is create and consume without care for the outside world and in the hopes of entertaining at least one person with my antics. I'm so sick of the world and I do not want to contribute to it outside of entertaining people. It's getting to the point where it's hard to fall asleep because I just want to be reading or writing or recording or doing something insane.
I want to somehow get to the point where people consume my work and hate it, then consume my work and love it, without realizing I'm the same person. But how can I make that living a reality when there's so much other shit I'll have to deal with when my time as a NEET is over? The working world is calling to me like a siren. I'm trying so hard to plug my ears because I know what happens when I reach the source of that mocking, sweet song.I wish I wasn't a Godforsaken lunatic sometimes. It's like a harsh imbalance between good and bad; the scales will always tip one way or the other, fluctuating forever, never ceasing.
Christ, I should really just play some video games to ease my mind.