/lit/ - Literature

>>21261414
>My target was a powerful man. He ruled the empire through whispers. Few knew his face, but his threat spanned far and wide. And tonight, by my employer's will, he was going to die.
Very redundant/not info dense. Essentially says he's powerful 3 times, just use the 2nd iteration which is most flavorful (he ruled through whispers) and give the guys name eight away if can.

>chandeliers accented marble floors
Nitpick, but pretty sure accented doesn't work here as the chandeliers are separate and across from the floor. Maybe "complimented"?

>There were a lot of misconceptions about assassination.
Depending if you use a framing device this (he's writing this book in the future) this whole paragraph might belong in present tense but isn't wrong as is.

>the ballroom was full
>I followed
Consider looking for stronger verbs in next revision pass

Overall though it's quite good. Doing a lot more right than wrong. Look up how to properly format em dashes which you are using with two regular dashes. Also read/watch some stuff about writing with more specificity (Shealinwrites on YouTube has a nice summary vid on it). I think an edit pass with that, verbs, and brevity in mind could really make it shine.

>>20867676
I know (am part of the) the target audience so pretty confident there is more built-in audience for this than most totally original fantasy writing. ES in particular has been in a decade long content drought but there is still a large online following but we're rehashing the same old lore/stories.

It's more the legal aspect I'm leary of.