/lit/ - Literature

>>17721124
>google docs
>‘Twas a fortnight ago
but seriously, i think you pulled off the voice quite well. comma splices were rampant. descriptions are somewhat okay but they were repetitive and telling-y. for example
>There was no light coming from my chamber window. This was odd, as the street lights always emitted, although a dim, light through the thin glass, illuminating my work table. Not even the moon shone on the black sky. I neared the candelabrum to the window in an effort to see something, but to no avail.
these are saying the same thing. if you don't want to cut some out, find another way to describe the room other than attaching them to the same description: darkness. then again, it might just be what you were aiming for.
why didn't he take the candelabra with him? if he did, this line made it sound as if he didn't
>using naught but my memory of the house as my guide.
turns out he did bring the candle.
grammar errors such as
>designed in a strange fashion and in a place that I surely didn’t build it.

>My breath had become maniacal, sweat poured out of every pore, terror struck right at my heart which was beating profoundly.
good

>gazing deep into my soul.
cliche

>My heart's beat echoed in my own ears.
this is the xth time you described the heart. change it up a bit. blood pulsed, vision blurred, hands trembling, breath shortening, etc.

>The sound of the people going out to the market square through the concrete street passing my house, killed the very melancholy.
rewrite this sentence

it's not as shit as you made out to be, you dramatic faggot. i actually enjoyed it, errors aside. it might even be acceptable after a few rounds of editing. good luck.

>>17721088
post your writing. i want see if we should take your crit seriously. right now you sound like an 18 year old who has no idea what he's talking about, my dude (!!!)