/lit/ - Literature

>>6963713
you need to get some consistency

what impact does the muggy fall have on the story? the cardinal connotes activity and life
but then you are detached from the reality

and then you use language like begat and through like trues steps where before you were using simplistic lanuge like pale and feeder

you need to really clean your language up imo
If you want to have a really hot and muggy setting you should throw in words like you are feeling lazy and the cardinal (maybe give it a gender?) is a bright flash of red which breaks through your stupor