/lit/ - Literature

>>15781628
I liked it, but that may be because I'm so stoked to see a fantasy story in this sea of god awful poetry and uninteresting, self-indulgent word salads. Could it use work? Certainly. Your dialogue needs to be a little more clever. It doesn't need to blow my mind but right now it's really flat, which is to say it doesn't illustrate the personality of the character speaking. Dialogue is a strong vehicle to accomplish showing your reader who your character is. Her inner monologue is nice, if a little cliche, but build on that. Write down what Hilda likes to eat, how she relaxes, how she would react to someone insulting her, someone complimenting her. Don't necessarily do this in the actual story but do it for yourself, it will help you to visualize your character while you write her. I would do this with all your main characters.
Other than all of that, take a little more care with setting your scenes. It's important to leave some things to the reader's imagination but at least give them the bones. I encourage you to not edit too ferociously and just get more of the story down. I would read more. Good job, and thanks for posting