/lit/ - Literature

I want to disappear. I don't have the courage to kill myself. I'm in my late 20s and still relationshipless with everything that entails. I have one close friend but it isn't enough and we haven't conversed much recently. I imagine she is likely growing tired of me again, isn't as interested in helping me as she claims, and simply has lots of other friends to bide her free time with. I belong to zero groups and spend most of my days at home, wishing someone would text me to hang out or invite me literally anywhere. Years and years and years and years of isolation and solitude have rendered me a numb chassis and I simply am not a fit for life, or current human society. I really fucking hope I can shoot my fucking self by the time I'm 30. Nobody will miss me when I'm gone, other than my parents. If I disappeared, the same outcome would present itself. Every day is misery and suffering. There is nothing for me here but I'm a weak-willed bitch and I wish to return to the nothing that I am.