/lit/ - Literature

>>23123097
Hello.
I have zero issues with women, currently have 3 I'm into and they're into me. This has been a constant throughout my life - women like me. I should be happy with things.

However I have never been able to get a career going. My alcoholic dad left us when I was 10 and my mum is too mentally ill to work, so it feels like I was never really told or shown how to do basic life stuff. I've worked plenty of jobs, but nothing has really clicked. I feel like I've always been drifting through work life.

I read constantly and widely, and enjoy writing except when I'm depressed, like now. I just can't shake this feeling of failure of not having done the whole career thing. I feel like my family issues have always held me back mentally. I have suffered from deep suicidal depressions and mood swings throughout my life, and I'm worried I have inherited the family madness. I lie awake at night wishing I had just left home and never spoken to them again, completely cut them off.

I think I'm going to fight through this depressive episode and start writing properly, and train towards a career helping others. I know I won't be able to boast about a high salary or anything, but that feels meaningless anyway.

It scares me that the possibilities of existence in our world are getting more and more limited as money becomes everything and alternative ways of life are becoming increasingly impossible. I'm not under any illusions that it was ever easy to be a writer or artist or whatever, but with crumbling welfare systems and rising rents I can see it getting worse.

Thanks for reading.