/lit/ - Literature

>>12493604
Jaysis, we came (see what did here?) to the point in normalisation of every behaviour, that a cum vacuum stands where university professors stand. I am not one of those reactionists fags, that think we should go back to organising society as it was five centuries ago, but this postmodern bullshit that nothing has value, therefore everything is equally valuable, is just as much tiresome. What is her stance? Prolly normalising porn, loving every perversion, making your sexuality public, being a camgir as virtuous as a doctor, or a firefighter. Because everything is a social construct, and our backward view of sexual privacy, is only embraced by fading ghost of catholic morality. And don't forget that porn is great for you, it works wonders for the mind and your sexuality, that amount of artificial stimuli doesn't have any harmfull effect whatsoever. I would say fuck her, but she already is, for money.

Thats how it starts. Today I am browsing non pornographic pictures of actresses, tomorrow nude pics, and in a couple of days I will be having another 5 hour edging session. Proceeded by wondering why I am so pathetic, why I don't have any achievements, and how I wasted my mid 20s, and wasting late 20s. I really hate myself. My addiction became a part of me. The stimulation is too rewarding. I became a wanker, destroyer of ambition. There are no books on this. When I read naked lunch I didn't even felt disgust, I knew that mind can walk those insanely perverted paths. And I did it to myself, my drug was pixelated stimulus, that surge of dopamine. Like I was lobotomized by pleasure for a couple hours. I embraced it, the thought of doing it, despite all rational thoughts became another tiny part, of carefully crafted kink mechanism, that IS my sexuality. The worst part is that i can't write WAS. I want to blame technology, I want to blame porn accepting culture, I want to blame our animalistic minds, lusting for pleasure, but there is only me to blame. I am afraid that if I will quit, the guilt will kill me, five fucking years. Five years of youth, five years of misery cultivation. Five years of life, five years of being dissconected from life almost every day.