/lit/ - Literature

>>23033621
I think you take way too long to get to the actual story. This is the case for both the prologue and the first chapter. You spend hundreds of words on exposition (none of which is actually necessary for framing the situation). For instance, in chapter 1 you don't get to the actual beginning of the scene/story (he's going to a new school) until almost a third of the way in. That line could have been the first sentence and the reader wouldn't have missed a beat. It all smacks of a lack of confidence, like you don't trust your writing enough to convey what you need to without preface or explanation. It's present at the prose level too ("like torture *at times*"). Consider pic related, notice how quickly Rowling gets to the situation (literally the second sentence), notice how little preface she needs.

I know you probably won't take this advice but you should really just practice writing scenes before attempting a longer work like this. Study scenes from books and write 100 or so of your own, trying to improve with each iteration. Fanfiction is actually great for this since you have characters premade and can focus on structure. You can post the scenes here for crit and people will actually read it because it only takes like 5-10 minutes.