/lit/ - Literature

I looked at myself in the mirror today.
From that point on I've been completely hollow. If I didn't live with family, I would leave to go commit suicide. Would I do it? Maybe, or maybe not; I'm terrified by the possibility of dying. Still, I have attempted suicide very nearly successfully three times, each after sitting for hours convincing myself to do itー so suicide isn't out of the question. I think that if I brought a mirror, it would be a lot easier. My most intense feelings of suicide are almost always precipitated by failing to look away from mirrors.

By the way, I don't fail to see the parallels with Narcissus. I will die if I stare too long in my reflection.

>>23177629
I tried so hard, and got so farー
but in the end it doesn't even matter.
I had to fall to lose it allー
but in the end it doesn't even matter.

>>23119654
>Buy $150 of new clothes to try to replace my ragged old ones
>finally arrives
>I'm excited
>take a shower
>try them on
>it's too good for me
>It's like gold adornments on a cockroach
>throw every single one into the trash
>start my wfh job
I was born for rags.

>be me
>racist bastard
>want a racist white GF
>i'm not even white
>if she were as racist as I want her to be, she wouldn't be with me
>tfw you experience the unbearable pain of being a non-white racist
It never even began.

>try reading
>random mood swings
>want to die really bad
>don't want to hurt family
>leave "because I'm moving out"
>head to suicide spot
>mood stabilizes on the way
>sit on bench emotionless, chest pain, just want to disappear
>can't focus on reading
>return
>repreat ad infinitum

On time I made it to the train. Had to call 911 because a pack of loose pitbulls started growling and barking at me. Luckily they didn't ask why I was there. It's funny; the fear of mauling may have saved my life, if my courage would have lasted until the train arrived.

>>21827947
>he has a positive family relationship
books for this feel

>>21825994
That's so sad but you're right. You shouldn't bring yourself down to help someone that's toxic, and there's definitely no excuse if they do evil things.
I say this as a toxic, socially retarded person myself.