/lit/ - Literature

5 years ago, I took the language test (for military cryptologists) just for fun and to see what I would've gotten. Cryptolinguists learn foreign languages to collect intel on other countries and analyze it. In other words, spying on other countries. I took it and got to the category that said I can study any language the military needs, so I mentioned it when I spoke to my friend, who was a Russian soldier (conscript). We were both young and dumb.

He asked, "What language are you gonna learn?"

"I can learn anything, but I am gonna learn Russian, so I can spy on you and your country."

"Okay, you can spy on me and my country." he chuckled, "We have mountain. We have beach."

"And cute girls playing on the beach."

"with nice butts." he adds.

I continued, "When the American military sends drones to other countries, they're not looking for intel or to see what the Russian government is doing. They just want to look at hot girls in other countries playing volleyball at the beach."

"The important things. Who cares about anything else?"

"Yes, this is very critical information. So the drone comes back with pictures of girls in bikinis and the private gives it to his officer, 'Hey boss, we got intel on the Russians. Are we winning yet?' The officer snatches the photos and tells him 'Good job, Private. These are very critical information. I will go study these in my office now. Alone.' and then behind the closed door the soldiers hear a mysterious fapping noise. He's been in there for a while so they think he must have found something important."

My Russian friend, who barely ever smiles, finally cracks a big smile. "Yeah, just another day in the army."

I then told him, "just kidding, I want to learn it so I can come visit you." and he gave out a hearty laugh.