/lit/ - Literature

>>14281523
>I feel that sex just isn't for me, and that if I were to end up having sex with a girl she would be disappointed that I also experienced lust, and that I wasn't the mute, tame and apparently good person I seemed previously.
I understand this on some level. Not necessarily that I'm supposed to be meek or mute, but in the sense that I'm a sexless being, to myself and others. I've felt for years that I just don't deserve sex, that I would be a disappointment to myself and to whatever girl degraded herself to have sex with me. That I'm so un-sexy to women (and even men, in the sense that it'd be wrong for me to even joke about it) that approaching a woman or flirting or implying I want anything physical would be at the least rude and at the worst some form of harassment.

I've been working very hard this year on bettering myself in a lot of ways, and on building up my self esteem and confidence and respect - I even managed to get a new job and do very well in a number of in-person interviews - but this is my biggest hurdle. At this point it's like I couldn't even approach a woman, like I would lack even the basic ability to speak or present myself in a positive way. I'm trying, though. I think that that's all anyone can do.

A cute girl in a supermarket the other day smiled beatifically at me and wished me a happy Thanksgiving. I was so shocked, in the moment, that I involuntarily let out an embarrassingly girly "oh!" before I caught myself and returned it. That's the level I'm at right now.

>>10289356

>>9694215
Yup, I've been writing for a while now and I'm pretty infamous among all my secret little autistic writing groups for being absolutely brain-dead retarded with spelling and typos in my drafts.

Anyway I'm glad you liked it. I'll get around to getting it out for real so people can read it all as it comes out eventually, I just figured I'd post it here and see how people reacted to the first pages.

>>8453623
I don't get it are you saying I'm a Swede?