/lit/ - Literature

>fuck girlfriend
>go buy some food with her immediately afterward
>less than 5 minutes since i fucked her, we're standing in trader joe's aisle buying something
>she's being her normal self
>suddenly i'm completely disgusted by her in a way i've never been before
>disgusted by myself too, for ever being associated with her
>feel like i've been duped all this time into associating with this person and i should be deeply deeply embarrassed
>can't explain it perfectly but it feels if i got caught hanging out (nonsexually) with 12 year olds, everybody would be like "dude wtf you're a grown man why are you playing kid games with little kids, that's just not right"
>she's babbling about some food she wants to buy
>starts leaning off my arm in this girly "floppy" way
>realize i'd never do this floppy shit she's doing, it's undignified
>realize how childish she is, even her basic body language
>everything about her is childish
>she says something in a playfully sulky/emotionally laden tone of voice
>realize as i'm listening to it, that is perfectly normal for a woman to do, that's part of a normal woman's normal repertoire of speech mannerisms, my girlfriend is not some unusually immature person, yet i still feel completely disgusted by it
>see her as a dumb, boring, idiot child
>realize how different we are
>realize i'm this "person," i have all these life goals and ongoing developments in my personal life and deep in my psyche, but she's this permanently childlike thing, life is somehow different for her, she's content having the mind and soul of a 13 year old, just "having fun" forever, going from one mild pleasure or convenience to the next
>she's still babbling
>realize how low my standards are for her, realize she doesn't compare to any of my male friends in terms of intellect or interesting things to say
>even in the hobbies we share, she's just "ok" at them, no passion
>realize that i don't consciously or intentionally lower my standards, i just automatically don't mind that she's dull and embarrassingly childish compared to a man, i automatically raise her grade to a passing one, simply because she's a woman
>see myself and her together, like i'm floating outside my body
>see myself standing there in a public place, a man, supposedly dignified and adult, but with this childlike retard dancing around in undignified childish emotional silly frivolous ways that aren't befitting either a man or an adult
>realize how embarrassing it is that i tolerate it
>realize how silly i look with her acting silly around me
>realize how silly i look being taken in by her silliness, like a grown man being induced to play with a child instead of remaining a dignified aloofness from it
>dissociate
>decide to break up with her
>get distracted at checkout line
>walking out together 3 minutes later
>think about my epiphany again
>can't see it anymore, can't hold onto it
>think of my girlfriend's pussy and anus again
>want to fuck her again
>tfw still dating her