/lit/ - Literature

posted this on the write what's on your mind thread, figured this was a much better place to post it.

there's four stories that i want to write, but right now i'm just doing one of the four in particular. i have a lot of notes saved, choc full of drafts, three mbs worth of potential descriptions and dialogues to use in any of my stories, catalogued by which story the line will be used in and which character might say it, or which character a description might fall under. some of these lines i have written myself, others i have taken anywhere on the internet, some i have repurposed and modified or just used as an inspiration to make up sentences.

i made another note where i have different chapters of one of my stories, the one i'm doing right now, where i try to position all the lines and description that fit that chapter the most, basically trying to make up context. there's just a problem: it's incredibly overwhelming. it's hard to choose which line should belong where and when and which character would be supposed to say which line when to who, etc. i'm trying to structure something in the most convoluted time-consuming retarded way possible, just to make something that fits perfectly, like staking puzzle pieces together.

whenever i think i'm done i always feel like i need to rummage through my draft archive to find the perfect line of dialogue or passage of description for this particular thing i'm trying to write instead of just writing it myself because i have a very hard time trying to come up with something off the cuff by myself.

sometimes i really think these stories will never see the light of day. the fact that i have a clock ticking on the back of my mind doesn't help, but that's another issue in and of itself that i won't get into in this post.

i don't want to give up, i've accrued so much material, but it feels so hard.

normal people can just write. normal people don't have to think about it too hard. i lack that. i know what i want to do in the beginning middle and end, but i don't know what to do AROUND the beginning middle and end.

forgot to mention that this one particular story that i'm writing right now is supposed to be the easiest one to do out of all four of them. i was meant to write this just to have fun, for myself, not giving a shit about how it'd come out but here i am.

i tried to just write recently and it went well, but now i'm stuck again and if i try to write by myself without relying on my drafts trying to handpick something that fits, if i try to write something without doing that, i can feel the fucking cringe growing inside of me. i don't know what to do. i should just do it, but it feels easier said than done... but i really want to write this thing and finish it.

i'm not giving myself a chance aren't i?