/lit/ - Literature

I think many boys raised by single mothers are at a massive disadvantage in many aspects of life. From a lack of strong, positive male role models, the overwhelming sense of abandonment and loss of not having a father, to not being able to observe healthy male and female dynamics in the home. Something significant is lost when one does not have a template to at least form an idea of healthy masculinity, or perhaps any form of masculinity at all.

Further, it seems mothers can often emotionally smother their sons, or unfairly put them in a position of ‘man of the house’, which can have significant detrimental affects when they, for example, reach an age where they should be dating. Because of this unhealthy dynamic between mother and son, they an unable to transition to or pursue a healthy romantic relationship because of the tether to their mother.

Not to mention, the high likelihood that these boys will struggle to exhibit masculine traits that would attract potential partners because they have few, if any, models to imitate during development, or most likely adopted many traits of the mother. Again, I think only having one parent versus two (sex irrelevant) is a massive disadvantage to anybody growing up. You have essentially halved the data that these children can learn from, even passively.

I think also, boys and men are expected to just ‘know how to be a man’, or ‘man up’, when it seems to be there is a transition to male adulthood that these boys and men are robbed of if they do not have a positive male presence in their life.

Further, I think men in this situation are often seen as a joke for being in this position. The over mothered male is an object of ridicule, and yet was powerless to do anything about being put in that position. Once again, I think this is a product of the attitude that a male should just be able to work everything out on their own, and if they cannot, they have intrinsically failed as a man. It is a vicious cycle.

It seems these men move through life sabotaged and invisible, society as a whole turns a blind eye to them, they are seen as disposable. They have probably struggled to succeed in their romantic and professional lives, and often turned to methods of self soothing or escapism to cope, with these behaviours further isolating these men.

I do not believe there is an equivalent dynamic for girls in the inverse position, and if there was, I believe it would be a more widely discussed subject. This is stated to illustrate that issues such as these are ignored because men are just supposed to know how to ‘be a man’, and again that these men are seen as invisible and disposable.

Perhaps I have made too many assumptions about developmental psychology and I realise there are generalisations, but I do believe many of these ideas hold true.

Do you think anything I’ve said here has validity? If so, how do we help these boys and men?