/lit/ - Literature

>>20235425
So there's something I'd like some input on. I really wanted the initial scene to feel jarring. Not just in the sense that there are demons (they're meant to be more bizarre in the sense of how casual they are than to be "terrifying" in any sense), but more in regards to being in a holding room and having this film of fear and guilt-laden sweat covering the protagonist's body.

Enter Amara, sizzling secretary type. Her charming appearance belies her pronged tongue, and she very much pours salt in all of the protagonist's wounds. This is all in an effort to strip away his ego and get him to accept her bid, however... I really want to convey the gravity and nature of the consequences of saying no to her. Do you think that this lacks that? I don't want this to feel like an easy decision for the protagonist, but rather an uncomfortable admission. This gets explored in depth later, but for now I worry that that core part of the character might be assumed on my part as the writer simply because I know what's in store.

Also, pic related is a color-corrected rendition of "Amara" a friend made for me.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UoEbfz3BlmlvT1he2ZJtglccvBVfK0WwB_wtUM83NBs/edit?usp=sharing

I think I'm coming up on the point where I want to either introduce my first flashback, adding some depth to the protagonist and painting a picture of their old life, or a short time skip, giving the protagonist two weeks or so to sort of get a better handle on their new routine.

I feel like this would be a good way to have the first-person voice be able to speak to things around them intelligently, rather than the reader/protagonist needing to learn everything through dialogue.

>>20222322
The first section and second second read like they're written by completely different writers. It makes it difficult for me as the reader to hammer down the intended voice because it lacks a consistency to its prose. I think the comments by others about punctuation are very supportive and would help a lot.

>>20223268
This really inspired me, I would love to pick your brain sometime. I'm giving my idea all of me effort right now and I'm fully committed to finishing the first installment of whatever it is I'm doing right now, and publishing it somehow. I know absolutely nothing about the publishing process and the pros and cons of different platforms, but those are all roads I can cross when I get to them. If I ever make a singular dime I'll be over the moon.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UoEbfz3BlmlvT1he2ZJtglccvBVfK0WwB_wtUM83NBs/edit?usp=sharing

A friend of mine recolored some artwork that served as as reference for one of my main characters, Amara!

Update: I've finally arrived at a section I've been really excited to write and I am actually enjoying dialogue a lot more than I thought I did.