/lit/ - Literature

>>18810259
The second item, to have sex, is the lower aim. "Let alone" introduces the lower aim.
Maybe I'm not using the phrase properly?

I've literally always been like this, but it got worse during puberty.
When I was younger I was often able to find company amongst social misfits since they didn't intimidate me. I'm average height, average dick size, decent looking. Used to have bad acne that left some scars, but that's not the cause of it. Was bullied a bit in seventh grade, but nothing major. Upbringing was in a very loving Christian home with two parents who are still together. All I can conclude is that it's a genetic fuck up.
It's not really a self-esteem thing either. It's this irrational, paralyzing fear and overwhelming feelings of negativity that I get in casual unstructured social situations. The thought of being around a group of peers who are "letting loose' and "having a good time" makes me wanna shoot myself in the face because of how awful I feel in those situations.

>"Today I will do work on my hobbies and projects all day. Today I will work on my goals"
>read for 2 hours
>"I deserve a break, I'll have a snack"
>refresh 4chan and watch youtube videos i don't even like for 5 hours
>somehow it's 6pm
>"wait how is 2+5 = 6pm if i woke up at 8?"
>now it's 7:45
>"NO"
>spend 20 minutes thinking/talking about how i suck
>9:55
>"WHAT??? I'LL READ UNTIL 1AM TO MAKE UP FOR THIS"
>"BUT FIRST I HAVE TO EAT AGAIN"
>browse 4chan and watch youtube videos until 2am
>"NOW I HAVE TO GO TO BED, I'LL BRUSH MY TEETH AND PISS"
>in bed by 3:30

>BATHROOM TRADER JOES BAG FULL OF BEARD HAIR SPILLED BEARD HAIR ALL OVER THE PLACE

NO!!! PLEASE NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WILL TAKE A THOUSAND FUCKING YEARS TO PUT ALL THIS HAIR BACK IN THE BAG, THERE'S 1.5 YEARS OF BEARD HAIR ALL OVER THE PLACE I DON'T HAVE A VACUUM OR A BROOM I USE WET TOILET PAPER TO CLEAN UP HAIRS IT'S UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS

>>15965826
at least she didn't run away before you were born