/lit/ - Literature

I am writing a short story. It is intended to be irreverent. I got into Jung a few months ago, especially the Shadow. Inspired by that I am writing a quasi-autobiography that is meant to read like a projection of the Shadow. I am at 18 pages, dunno how long it will be. I just write what comes to mind so the length is indeterminate. I'll post an extract, and would love some criticism. I am a very average writer, so I'll keep the extract to one paragraph. My main audience are my irl friends so I can't expect anons to find it very interesting, would still like commentary though. It would be nice to get a bit better at writing.