/lit/ - Literature

>>21512776
In my estimation your opening line reads more like the start of a new chapter in a book I'm already reading, as opposed to the start of a new book, if that makes sense. There is also too much focus on detail for an opening, when a reader will first be getting used to your prose. Is it really necessary to describe every minute aspect of the scene? It's fantasy and they are hunting a lich. Therefore you can logically assume they are outside. The dry branches snapping confirms this. The moonlight is a nice detail to add as moonlight usually confers a sense of mystery and awe in people. Random berries staining armor, mud caking boots, not so much. Sometimes less is more. You have to remember that usually it is the reader that does most of the work. They take the gaps you leave and fill them with the unbridled power of their imagination. They can literally see and feel the branches and the moon, and anything else they feel inspired to conjure up as you set the scene. If you describe nearly every aspect of what's happening, then there's nothing left for the reader to occupy their minds with. It becomes boring and dull. You cannot compete with the ever shifting tides of the imagination. Also you have to keep up the pace. Nothing really happened in 11 sentences, just exposition dump. Not what I would recommend.

It reminds me of Eragon. Read this and compare it to yours as I believe it does a good job of setting a similar scene, introducing interesting concepts, and pacing itself well to keep the reader's attention. Then again an entire prologue is hardly comparable to the excerpt you posted.