/lit/ - Literature

>>22090749
>be me
damn, son. I just make shit up too, but at least I don't try to project some intense longing for unmet desires. I find it hard as fuck to want a damn thing. I don't want anything man. I just look at the wall. Fuck. Even making these words seems farcical and pointless, absolutely without purpose, and to even imagine any more productive use of my time is completely unfathomable.

To quote myself loosely "It's like trying to build a sculpture with a massive puddle of diarrhea. You accomplish nothing and end up covered in shit." I don't know man. It's just so fucking hard to believe in a god damn thing. I don't know how these billionaires continue living, how they continue wanting any of that shit.

Looking out at everything that exists, nothing appeals to me, nothing seems desirable, nothing seems worth any sort of effort to attain it. I'm just continuing to work for bread, largely out of politeness, not because I actually care or want to accomplish anything, but just because I feel like it's impolite to not work, so I work. It doesn't seem like an option or a choice, even when I have no genuine interest in continuing my life, just because being impolite or unobliging to other people, due to the strong nature of my upbringing, my meek and weakwilled personality, I'm too obliging to stop living. I don't know why.

At times I would write things, but whatever intention of actually accomplishing anything has long since left me. Any coherent intent, after witnessing the endless cycle of input->output of my writing and accomplishing nothing, all of my delusions of effecting any sort of change upon this planet have completely abandoned me.

It's like sitting here without hands, for whatever my hands are capable of, from my perspective, none of the things I am capable of accomplishing are in anyway meaningful or worth the effort or productivity. The economy of productivity, given the completely non-existent realm of results of your efforts, it just seems like a completely foolish pursuit.

I spend my days making retarded shitposts and trying to upset people for entertainment, like a homeless man covered in his own shit that somehow has the gall to mock and belittle you for continuing to care and take anything seriously. That's about the only apparently reasonable and sensible effect I can produce right now.