/lit/ - Literature

I'm graduating this year and I have no fucking idea what to do with myself. All my life it's always been pretty clear what I was going to be doing next year, going to the next year of school, going to college, etc. Now I have actual choice and I can't fucking handle it. I want to go to grad school but that's no going to happen for another year or so for convoluted reasons. I don't have a gf or friends (other than my high school friends who I see maybe once a year) so I really have a lot of freedom but I don't know how to pick something that won't result in my being suicidally depressed in two months (eg, getting a wageslave job). I do some programming freelancing that I could probably occupy myself with, but that still leaves the question of where to go after I leave uni. I don't want to move back with my parents because being in my hometown drives me insane and leaves me a total wreck after only a few days. Too many bad memories and people I don't want to see. But where else could I go? Fuck, maybe I'll just move to some tiny village in Oregon and just spend time going /out/ and working on writing and shit.

The other thing that's bothering me about the whole is how fucking isolated I feel. Between away from home, transferring universities, and now leaving again I really don't feel like there's anywhere I belong. I really desperately long for community and it doesn't look like something I get to have for a couple years, at least I have some vague semblance of that now in my gym buddies and professors. And now I'm losing that too and going back to square one. And if I manage to rebuild something after I've left it'll all be taken away from me again in a year or two's time. Fuck.

How do normies deal with this shit? I don't understand how they can so cavalierly throw away their relationships and communities every year or two when I'm still not recovered from the first time I had to do it.

Plz help me desu I'm barely holding myself together as is