/lit/ - Literature

I'm writing some practice stuff to try and brush up before I do longer stuff, I posted here before and got the feedback that I used too many pronouns (lots of "he said" "I did") So I tried to cut back on that, not sure if its still too much. I'm not really happy with the flow either but I think that might be one of those things that come with time. I'd really appreciate any help/critic, I'm also wondering if the descriptions are too much