/lit/ - Literature

Ever since early childhood, for as long as I can remember, I have intensely missed aspects of... well, when I was young. Like a really young kid. Toddler. From 6 onwards, I have felt intensifying emotions on wanting to return to a time that I don’t even remember.
I get fixated on items of early childhood, like a racecar bed, for example. On my parents love, their natures, certain phrases and actions. Praise being an example.

I was looking through an old photo album today, and those feelings hit me like a damn truck. The joy, the warmth and love, the memories, the care I was given. It all came flowing back to me.

Why? I don’t know. I thought of many possible ideas. Abuse? Neglect? Depression? I don’t know. I have no idea why. It’s been such an integral set of emotions in my life. Even now. I feel like I have something wrong. But even when I went to therapists, no ground was really gained.

What weirds me out most was how young I felt these feelings. Why should a six year old be so fixated on a crib they once were in? It doesn’t make sense. It isn’t normal right? So what the hell is it? It’s affected my relationships, my work.

Does anyone know this feeling? What is going on? Was I hurt as a child and am gravitating towards a better place? Is there anyway this can be fixed?

It’s a set of questions I don’t know if I will ever get answered. Perhaps I am overthinking a normal feeling. I don’t know.

I just can’t let it go. I feel like there is something deeply wrong underneath the surface, a chasm waiting to rupture. God only knows.

>>14981701
>tfw both are aspects of the same thing that is ripping society apart

>>10346569
>uses imageboards
>calls himself a Christian