/lit/ - Literature

>>19773564

>>13782770
>first word I didn't like
Appreciate that, but I'm keeping it. I feel in the grander context it makes slightly more sense, too.

>Just use a comma, or ditch the conjunction and go for a period.
A better proofread on my part would have solved that. I think at the time I wrote it originally I was in a phase during which I was very obsessed with how to crowbar in semicolons, ignoring proper use case.

>you could put a "that" after communities
I think I will. Thanks.

>It's good that it runs on like it does, but...
I'll have a look at it. I narrate in my head as I write -- in character too, it plays fine with me, but we'll see.

>Smooth though, especially the opening.
Thank you for your thoughts. Honestly, you guys make this whole thing easier for me. It's hard to find good criticism.