/lit/ - Literature

>>15890672
This is good, I would just get rid of the "the nor'easter..." and leave the rest of that sentence implied after "grey."

>>15885760
imo, this is all telling and no showing where it really counts. we get intimate portrayals of some random girl going to a pool but we quickly breeze over what he "drags his finger" across, even though what his "friends and family" are posting should be relatively impressionable on anyone. there may be a reason for this in some narrative outside this snippet, but i think this part would be stronger if you flipped the focus around.
>>15885159
No offense intended, but I feel exhausted by the end of the first paragraph and nothing has happened to hook me.