/lit/ - Literature

I still feel horribly remorseful for missing a chance to talk to that girl at work more before she left to go back to school. I didn't get to say 'bye' or wish her luck with her studies even though I had a clear chance to do so. I didn't see it because I was in a hurry to leave work that evening. She has such a cute smile and we had the most lovely conversation the other day. She's studying accounting. Damn. I really hope for another chance to see her. Please give me another chance.

>start writing something
>get dozens of pages in
>suddenly realize that it's all shit and delete it all

What are some books about losing hope?

>tfw job interview tomorrow
I don’t want to go

What are some books where the protagonist loses control over his life

What are some books where the protagonist is a coward, and knows it?

>tfw ideas guy with no talent

What are some books about constantly failing to secure employment, even though unemployment is supposed to be low?

What are some books about depression

What are some books about suicide?

What are some books about depression?

What are some books about depression?

What is the saddest book you've ever read?

>woke up
>read a book
>feel tired because I had coffee late last night and harmed my sleep
>lie in bed for 45 minutes
>eat and become unsure whether I should bother going to the gym if I'm tired
>feel nostalgia for yesterday evening, when I went for a walk and had coffee, because it was such a typical way for me to avoid the painful acceptance that I'm too much of an ugly unmotivated beta to do anything worthwhile
>planned to go to work today but currently reconsidering

I think my current plan is to go outside now while there is a lot of daylight. I'll have the Last Coffee Ever and then walk around more to feel less alone.

I simply cannot bring myself to do anything productive. I'm such a pathetic consumercuck. I will never even be accomplished enough to have my own Wikipedia article.

What are some books about depression?

I'm living in the spookless, nihilistic void and it is tough. Everything is an attack on my essence.

Being weak at the gym is so fucking boring. I remember when I would do multiple sets of 5 of 200 kg deadlifts or 160 kg squats on days when I was simply fucking around. Today I struggled to do 125 kg for 5 reps. I should give up coffee to regain my strength but I just can't do it. I feel cucked no matter what I do so inertia dominates.

I should give up coffee right after the one I'm having now. They never live up to the hype.

I've chosen this Pepe to signify the sadness that comes before the rise, rather than choose deflated and exasperated Pepe.

>woke up at 9 am
>read a little bit
>ate food
>browsed internet
>bought coffee to drink in flat but it's shitty tasting coffee
>felt an extreme lack of motivation
>read an article about Vitalik Buterlin and felt sad that he does cool stuff while I am too demoralised to do anything; told myself I should start doing stuff tomorrow
>went to gym and didn't plan to lift heavy but still felt fucking weak due to coffee ruining my sleep and it all felt so tedious
>went back to flat, read a book, left to go in to central London to drink coffee and feel sad about life
>currently drinking coffee

I just need to stop drinking coffee. But nothing else makes me feel urgency. If I stopped drinking coffee and tried to increase my squat weekly, I could be as strong as I've ever been within 3 months (probably longer but it emphasises how I could benefit from consistency but I'm too demoralised to do anything).

I start my first "real" job later this year. I would call my current job my first "real" job but I have so little work to do (didn't even bother going in today), it is more like a wasted life opportunity that was gifted by God. Imagine you asked a genie for more than a year in London with your own flat and a job that required close to zero work. At least I'm blackpilled enough to know that I'm too ugly to have had much potential.

What can cure me of the motivational collapse that I have had for 4.5 years?

I'm a 27 year old ugly beta autist with no friends or social experiences since school. I've never had female attention ever. I have no passions and no hobbies except for mindlessly browsing the internet, reading, exercising, and walking around while hoping my 20s spontaneously stop feeling wasted.

I currently have a boring bureaucrat job, though it gives me miraculously little work. My ugliness, autistness, and lack of poshness cause me to fail almost all job interviews. Working 9-5 crushes me mentally and it is worse when I save almost nothing and will never advance the career ladder quickly.

I did very well in education when I was motivated but being around normies in their prime while I was a loser doing a degree I didn't care about was tortuous. My motivational collapse started in university. My work ethic became non existent and I barely passed with an acceptable grade.

I live in a tiny flat in London and save nothing, though I will start a higher paying job at a famous employer later. I waste large amounts of money on coffee and junk food binges to stop feeling sad.

I have had so much free time but I have wasted almost all of it due to an extreme lack of initiative. I find it nearly impossible to do productive things in my free time when I know normies are out having fun or getting large salaries for rewarding jobs.

I know that social skills are mostly down to looks. I know that I have life on hard mode because I'm an ugly male. I know that all women and Chads have life on easy mode.

I understand that all philosophical axioms are arbitrary. No self help or religious bullshit will ever help me. I constantly think of myself in psychological instead of definite terms ("If I eat now, I'm less likely to do work in an hour"). I constantly feel guilty for not being productive, like a loser for not having fun, like a coward for not having my own personal philosophy.

>be last night
>tell myself I'll binge only on Saturdays
>binge on junk food and immediately (physically) feel like shit and realise I should stop having junk food at all
>wake up at 10 am today
>go to gym
>went in to central London
>extremely hot and sunny day
>saw my reflection in a bus and realised that I'm so ugly, even going outside to feel like less of a loser may be an awful deluded farce on my part
>walked around outside while feeling sad about life
>had coffee but cut it short to go home and watch tennis
>had One Last Binge while watching tennis then football
>Wimbledon and the world cup are over: have nothing to occupy my time next week; no excuse for postponing life
>will read for the rest of the evening; don't plan on going to work tomorrow

I feel like life is passing me by. I have wasted so much free time in the past 3 years. I feel like browsing the internet is my default mode. Reading books is not very fulfilling anymore: it is a consumercuck activity.