/lit/ - Literature

>>20225223
>You’re still a child with almost no freedom or means

This is probably true for most people, but my dad was dead and my mother was a drug addict, so I didn't have anything stopping me from doing things other than the police.

>Most of the memorable things happen in your 20s and 30s.

So far as I can tell, this is some bourgeois shit. You need to have a stable life, otherwise it's just a lot of slaving and drudgery trying to eat. I don't know what you would consider a "memorable" or "meaningful" experience. From what I can tell, people just buy some memories out of a travel catalogue or something.

>>20225635
>I have been to innumerable parties and had more sex than you, and there's very little memorable about it

Exactly this, especially if you're fucked up for these parties. It's not some romantic, meaningful experience, it's just two shitty, broken people, addled by drugs and alcohol, using each other as some depersonalized bag of pleasure, despite the fact that they usually hate each other, but they simply have nobody else to turn to to give them some feelings of acceptance or stimulate them physically.

There's no feelings in sex other than narcissism at best, satiation of some instinctive craving, and romantic sex is something that's hard to come by when you're a down-and-outer because there's no hope for he future so there's nothing to romanticize.

Also, the people who say "money buys happiness", this doesn't work if you have a long history of drug abuse. Consumer pleasure feels like nothing when compared to street drugs. You can't really feel joy or desire for "capital gains" once you've realized that drug abuse provides much greater pleasure than any form of social, emotional, or capitalistic fulfillment. You're left without any sort of motivating forces because you've burned out your ability to enjoy the meager amounts of dopamine provided by cheap consumerist pleasures. This is why most clean drug addicts become extremely obese, because eating is one of the few things that can reliably provide chemical pleasure, since the psychological work->pleasure system gets so fucked from drug abuse.

Maybe it's different for people with money, or people who don't fuck themselves so hard, but it's easy to absolutely mutilate your life in your youth, then you're sitting there trying to stitch the pieces back up because there's so much social, legal, and economic pressure for you to do so, and human instinct and stupidity prevents you from killing yourself, despite having no rational reason to continue living, having no capacity to feel pleasure, having no hope for the future, and just staring blankly into the emptiness of the world while you wait to die.

Humans are vampires, and we drink each others blood just to survive. I've caused lots of suffering in lots of people's lives just to chase the dragon. We cannibalize each other in the fruitless pursuit, and I've nothing to show for my trials save for scars on myself and others.