/lit/ - Literature

>>11755997
My parents are really similar, horrible marriage, mom is extremely kind but a doormat pushover, also secretly kind of a patronizing smart aleck but honestly pretty surface level, and my dad, who was really verbally abusive and also very low in comprehension and personality tried to get a divorce but mom got cancer so they decided not to (she's developing alzheimers now). 19 and 20 were my worst years, smoked a lot, drank a lot, plenty of drugs, had shitty friends, failed out of college. No girlfriends.
>It can only get better from here on right?
Narrative structure seem to have taken a mythological significance in my life, and I like tragic stories more than heroes journeys. It's more like a dream than something definite, I've gotten really eccentric in my speech patterns with other people, I don't mesh well at all and though my grades have tremendously improved it's fucking hard to keep on the straight and narrow. What spun myself around was probably a.) psychologist b.) psychedelic drugs and c.) suicidal road trip. Told my parents I was fucking off (fuck you I don't need your support etc.), I drained 2k from the bank and figured I'd violently crash somewhere off the interstate but it was just 3 weeks of driving and hanging around places. Lots of sketchy parking lots where I slept in the car, 18-wheelers and truck stops. Minnesota was really nice. Almost half the fucking state is lakes, I rented a canoe, the white throated sparrows were nice at first (I thought they were loons) but they're actually annoying as fuck. It was pretty lonely though. I mean yeah there's other people hanging around but the mentality they all adopt at amenities is always so superficial and boring, there's nothing going on in it and I felt as though I missed out on a lot given my own awkwardness and hesitancy. I got really good at taking breaks from driving at least (overconfidence can be deceiving).

I guess for the psychedelics I more or less had a "good" trip because of the setting and the friends (who were degenerate, but I didn't think that at the time). Basically I felt the full spectrum or scope of my emotions/personality for the first time as an "adult" and realized that I diminish my personality to fit into the world I was thrown in from day-to-day. And that world was really shitty because of my parental upbringing and the public school being really passive/snobby/unemotional or something.