/lit/ - Literature

>Depressed last summer
>Completely degenerate and constantly in mad fluctuations of guilt
>Lose much of my zeal, start to become more interested in esoterism outside of Catholicism
>Depression goes away
>Get back into the faith a few days ago
>Depression comes back full force

Does anyone have any idea why such a thing would occur? It's not from No Fap withdrawal since I've been doing that off and on even when I wasn't taking my faith seriously. I haven't had any significant changes in my life and the only thing is that I started to pray again a few days ago. Is this unironically some sort of demonic attack? Is it maybe from the shame of Christianity? Is it from me realizing my past sins? I have absolutely no idea why my mind would change so quickly and I am worried about going to Confession today since I feel like it would bring up a lot of the old self-loathing that once afflicted me and just make this situation worse. I don't know what to do and I am thinking about just giving up this again since it seems Catholicism is some sort of curse on me. I really wish I could have a healthy relationship with it, but it doesn't seem very possible.