/lit/ - Literature

I've realized I've never relied on anyone. this has meant I have learned some things and develoepd in my own direction. It has also meant i have had no one to back me up, and I have had no one to back up. This has meant that I have had to learn other means of conflict resolution, since I have no tribe. Sometimes this has failed. I have likely attracted much positive attention as I have not been seen as a sell-out, I have not had any shitty group-agenda to sell (this doesn't just mean missionary work, this means I have had no fixed culture and have been somewhat able to adapt), I have been genuinely curious and a genuine curiosity. It has belonged to my conflict-resolution mechanism to have a good sense of humour. So I have been liked. Generally I have not liked people. I think I have only ever genuinely liked, at a deep level at least, one other person. I have not seen her in some time.

I think we are men some ways and some ways we are not. Few are complete. I am not complete. Probably having a tribe means you cover for one another. But it's not really a choice- I'm 30, it just is how it is, so far at least. We'll see, God willing.

miss her like crazy tho. may be getting more seldom but everything hurts man. nothing to do. painful that there is nothing to do. hard to believe.