/lit/ - Literature

I'm a depressed mathematics student. I'm doing well in the field for someone whose university has a mediocre department and who has only been seriously engaged with math, let alone higher math, for a couple of years, but I am not happy. I just don't enjoy the work of the mathematician. Sometimes I see people post here about how mathematicians are based philosophers revealing the fundamental truths of the universe--this is not accurate. That description is the experience of _learning mathematics_, that is, mathematics that is fifty years or more old and has been milled down and refined into a state where all its elegance and beauty shines through. Building new mathematics on the other hand is simple drudgery. Your results are confusing and often seem unrelated to anything of actual interest, and it takes _forever_ to get them. The small moments of insight are not enough to sustain me. Some people seem the relish the feeling of being at the frontier of what is known, or at least feel like they're doing something useful for the future. I don't. It doesn't help that I have very little going on in my life outside of academics, I have not even spoken to anyone outside of the gym, the department, or my mother for the past several months. My work ethic has crumbled and I'm scraping by with as little effort as I can manage. I did no work for the past four days at all. I don't know what to do with my life at this point because it seems clear I can't go on in this way, eventually I'll have to start working hard and I'll crash and burn. I wish I had just stuck with CS and got a dumb software development job, I know from experience that those guys are making bank with a tenth the effort I put in, even with my laziness factored in. Or just gone for philosophy or lit like I wanted and then killed myself after I couldn't get a job. Instead I'm broke sitting in my bedroom with no friends and a bunch of useless esoteric knowledge.

also it's windy as FUCK today pretty sure our roof is getting damaged

>>12663879
Pouring a drink for you anon.

>masturbating to her instagram pictures
this is the bottom, right lads? I can only get better from here