/lit/ - Literature

>>12724049
> 18 yo white american kid, in a rural town
> still in high school
> basically lucked out in life, my parents love me and are together, my family got into the lower part of the upper middle class through my mothers financial skills and thriftiness, i'm smart enough to drift through a mix of normal and AP classes with a good GPA, i'm not attractive but not ugly, I get college tuition for free through a mix of a scholarships and benefits that my dad receives from working at a college
> Although I greatly appreciate this it gives me a huge feeling of guilt, invalidation of any perspectives I may have, and the worry that I may never truly relate to people who have real problems and that they all look down on me as being weak and unreal beyond redemption. Through the internet I see alot of awful situations around the world, as well as alot of general stupidity and it makes me a little misanthropic, but I try to fight this because I know misanthropy is ultimately pointless. I get that this is an obnoxious complex to have but i wanna be honest so i can get accurate recs
> Ultra sensitive but i'm able to internalize most of my unnecessary feelings, though some does slip out though which i'm working to prevent (I get that this is Ironic considering this is a whiny post but whatever). Also a huge loner, I've figured out that it's unreasonable to expect a certain level of understanding between people, but that fact still kinda depresses me. I don't know if I'll ever get involved in dating because of this, personal insecurity + not wanting to be a burden, and a general need for individualism
> having a hard time seeing the value in happiness, I don't know what to do with my life. going to college in 6 months so i'm hoping I can find something I like there
> 5'7
> agnostic kinda in fear of god
> favorite author is yukio mishima
tell me to kill myself