/lit/ - Literature

I will be graduating highschool tomorrow (we graduate at 19 in Italy) and it will be the first huge milestone without my father. He passed away three months ago and these have been the most destructive three months of my life. For me, graduation is symbolic of all the things he has missed and will miss. It’s knowing that he won’t be there to watch me with his fill-the-room smile. That he won’t be here to take an entire memory card’s worth of pictures, and that the family pictures that are taken will feel incomplete. I won’t get a bear hug while hearing him tell me how fast I’ve grown up, and he can’t purposefully embarrass me just for laughs. Nor can he brag to his friends about my successes because he wasn’t here to experience them with me. It's not fair. Nothing will make up for the fact that he won't be there.

Every time a special moment will come in my life, something to be proud of or a big step to take, every time, everything will remind me that I'll never be able to share these things with him again. I find myself believing that maybe I'd rather not live these important moments at all, because they hurt too much this way...

I feel incapable. I know that there are things I can do, and I know I could do them well, but I just don't do them. I saw my father die before my eyes. He had brain cancer, and passed away three months ago. I was there, I wanted to do something, I wanted to do whatever it took; but there was nothing I could do. I just had to stay there and watch as time took him away. And now in every aspect of my life I feel completely unable to act. The only moment when I really wanted to act, I couldn't, and now even if I want to, I can't.
It's killing me. School, relationships, life itself has to go on as if nothing happened, but it's impossible for me to pretend that nothing happened. I have always lived in the high expectations of others, and have always managed to live up to them. I know it's wrong but there's nothing I can do about it, and now I don't manage to be that way anymore and it's killing me. There are so many things in my life that I desperately want to change, but I don't manage to. And it's things that aren't even impossible, but I just feel so incapable. I feel so stupid. I break down and cry on a daily basis, but keep waking up the morning after and putting on this mask that I don't even manage to keep on anymore. There was nothing to do when I really wanted to do something, and now I feel like I can't do anything in any other aspect of my life either. I know I could, I know I should, but I'm just so terribly incapable and I don't know how to go on.

how does morality work when you don't believe in God?

I would like some help writing a birthday letter. It's for a girl I am starting to date and want to make a good impression on. I obviously don't want you guys to write it for me but what are the most /lit/ things one could share on a birthday card?
Don't kill me if it's the wrong board of did something wrong..