/lit/ - Literature

took a 50mg adderall at 3pm (never taken study drugs before) to try and help with some fiction writing i've been doing.

it's been just under 12 hours now and the hours disappeared like nothing. as someone very easily distracted it's like other options just don't even enter into your mind. it's incredible. i only wrote 6753 words, but they were all new words, new scenes for a story i haven't broken new ground on in a long time, and some really good writing, i think. really was able to focus in and go deep on the dialogue, and visual the precise body language of each exchange in detial, which is not something i am usually good at or find myself focused on.

but this was just total focus. stopped for dinner only because i realized i was "burning out" a little bit, not becuase i felt hungry or wanted food, just because i noticed i was a little slower and objectively knew i should feed my body some nutrients, caffiene, sugar, and water.

i kind of feel worn out now and want to call it a night but im not sure i'll be able to sleep, so it's possible i keep writing all through the night.

in conclusion: what a crazy drug. can't believe we give this to kids. i've used a lot of different drugs before but never anything like this that hones me in so much. it was a really hard thing to imagine a drug giving me focus, because that's never really felt like a variable or artificially inducible thing like, say for instance, pleasure, or sleepines. focus feels like willpower, somehow seperate from pure biochemistry, but i guess this proves to me it's not. it feels, let me say, like a fucking superpower. it's going to be really hard not to want to use this again. i can see how people like hunter s. thompson got addicted to after having discovered its potential for writing.

my hope is that having 'broke ground' and found several new sparks of inspiration on this project the momentum will carry over into sobriety, without, of course, the superhuman endurance this drug has given me.