/lit/ - Literature

I have given up. It's over, and it's been over ever since I was born. Whenever I can afford it I buy 6-12 packs of beer every night and even liquor to calm myself but also to forget that I even exist. Living as myself is quite frankly too much of a burden, the problem is I can't kill myself since I'm too cowardly to do it. That is really the only reason binding me here, there is truly nothing else. If this barrier were removed I would be able to accomplish this but alas it has not been removed and so I suffer.

..Books for this feel?

>finished work on Friday
>apply for 9 jobs
>go walking outside in the dark for 1 hour and 40 minutes while listening to Cum Town and other podcasts
>buy junk food, binge at home and feel so fat
>waste rest of evening, sleep
>wake up on Saturday morning; worried I didn't sleep enough to lift heavy weights later in day
>browse internet for a few hours
>play vidya for a few hours
>eat food, drive outside and read book in car while drinking coffee
>go walking for 40 minutes while listening to podcast
>drink coffee in car again
>go to gym; heavy lifting goes well
>have fast food binge
>go home, waste last few hours awake online
>wake up on Sunday morning
>will drink coffee and maybe go for a morning walk

I'm demoralised about my job going to shit because my managers dislike me but in hopeful I can switch to something better because of my upcoming job interviews. I'm currently also feeling sad at how not fitting in with normies is destroying my career prospects.

Listening to podcasts with silicon valley types talking about stuff makes me feel (rightfully) pathetic. I need to start being a producerbull soon.

The amount of daylight on Saturday meant that it felt like a generic mundane weekend day.

>>19700991
Ok

books that will ease me into a rope

why do the people who don't believe in an afterlife not do more with their lives instead of conforming to the norm? They all have jobs, dress in ties for events, have car insurance, read social media posts on a daily basis, play vidya, and so on.
I would imagine that someone who doesn't believe in an afterlife, like myself, would want to do more with what little time they have left.
I'm almost 30 years old, but I'm not very healthy and likely won't see 60. I still put in the minimal matching amount in my 401k just in case I do live that long.
I see people who are 40-50+ years old in my field who don't mind spending 50+ hrs a week doing mind numbing work like marketing analytics, arbitrary sql reports for metrics monitoring that nobody will actually use, determining if 5% performance boosts on the apache cluster is worth the effort and so on. All for the good of the corporate bosses.
Do people like that believe in an afterlife, and if not, why the fuck would anyone do these things.
I've read a good chunk of geek and modern philosophy, I have a degree in applied math, I can build automations with both hard and software. I have about 300k in the bank and I bought a few acres in the middle of nowhere to start the rest of my life.
I think I'm doing life right, but it's lonely

>>17729437
Hey you know unfuckables and lonely people live life andexperience the human condition too? or do they not matter? if so then that doesn't betray a particularly deep understanding of life that sex has apparently given you. fuck you you want to write a book about love and romance? write a book about being cursed with garbage genetics and never being truly accepted by anyone, cunt

you will never read 22nd century philosophy

>>16715582
I had a big group of friends from high school but now they're all gone, focusing on careers, kids, some ended up alcoholics, gambling addicts, one killed himself. I don't see any of them anymore. I only really talk to my parents now. Asides from that, this is the only social interaction I get. It's not that bad though I guess. You guys are autistic as fuck but I've had a lot of good laughs over the years, discovered a lot of good books. I told my therapist about this place and she thinks I should stop coming here and that I should stop reading philosophy. I don't think I can do it.

what is the best philosophy to read on your deathbead?

What do asians think about Plato?