/lit/ - Literature

I got my first girlfriend last fall. I wasn’t really attracted to her cause she was kinda fat and ugly and she just initiated everything and I went along with it. I lost my kiss and sex virginity to her and it was not very good. Anyways I broke up with her before Easter because I didn’t see us going anywhere. Emboldened by confidence of knowing I’m at least worth a relationship and no longer in uni for Sumer break I decided to try tinder and had my hopes crushed after matching with like 40 women and only hearing back from one. This one girl was pretty nice and cute though and really on top of her game unlike my ex. She was going to college to be an actuary and already had a considerable amount of money saved from investments. We went out on a few dates and eventually had sex in her dorm but she was leaving on June 5th for London for two months. She sorted of ghosted me before that and hasn’t messaged me back at all since may. So I assume that’s over. I’m kinda sad about it because I got really into her. Anyways now I’m down in the dumps again and considering messaging the first girl I ever tried to date when I was a freshman in high school. I think she’s single but she lives quiet a bit away from me. She was really nice and tried to give me my first kiss but I was nervous and just hugged her instead. I still kick myself over that one. Although Part of me feels like contacting her would just show that I still haven't moved on in my life and I still think about a girl from high school as a 21 year old man. Which is technically true but it makes me look like a loser I think. Idk I just feel like a loser