/lit/ - Literature

I tried to be an electrical apprentice but I messed up at my two first companies. Not like I shocked someone or something, but a poor work ethic and lack of focus did me in. Now that I have had time away from the trade, I understand that all of the mistakes were my fault. I currently am doing door dash and uber eats because I don't have any other source of income (though my car is in the shop as we speak), and I know that this cannot last much longer; I will need an *actual* source of income.

I'd like to get back into the trade now that I have done some objective thinking about what I have messed up on, but at the same time I don't because I legitimately wanted to take my life while I was doing the work (which is in part why my ethic was so poor). I like that it's a skill, but at the same time it was pretty stressful and I don't think it'd be wise to go back into a job that makes me feel like that. I am not sure what I should do and I feel my depair and frustration mounting. Just last night I had a dream that my father and I got into a heated argument and I was about to take his life. I worry that if I apply at the wrong job, I will hate it, and want to take my own.