/lit/ - Literature

>>21373354
>Sentences are overcooked
Yeah, I see that. I think the first two sentences are a problem, like already pointed out, along with the one on "interweaving fabric." Could be simplified. But is it because of the lack of similes though? And is "the other half" really "so bad"?

Anyway, if you still want to put it in, I think this version is a slightly better:

>His head in snowy dandruff retracted back under the layers. And the cold acted upon his body and crushed it into a small ball of flesh wrapped in cotton shirts, down-stuffed jackets, and in woolen socks. Everything swelled and settled, releasing puffs of hot steam into the air. Snow melted and steam became puddles. And he could feel the wetness and the fibers of his woolen socks taking pleasure in it, and they shed their clothes, bare bodies, and ran towards the lakes, sunny and warm, smiling, jumping and splashing about in the water, and the cool against the summer heat.