/lit/ - Literature

Is this thread Christian? I've lead a very bad life full of sin and pain, I'm too scared to go to church and be baptized, I don't feel like I belong, and everyone inside the local church is elderly.
I'm also a Protestant and not a Catholic, so I'm afraid people might look at me badly in our small community considering the small size of our Protestant church.

I pray to God and Jesus Christ whenever the times are bad, not expecting much of anything, but recently God has shown me real mercy by helping me recover from an illness that could have painted my entire life with pain, and He has helped me cure addiction a few years ago.
I feel like I'm not repaying God properly for the love He shows me, but I too scared to surrender to His love entirely.

Any books that can help?