/lit/ - Literature

>>5737701

OK, I'll critique the first half of your first post.

Here are the bits I didn't like:
"eyes dart"; "in the nation"; "too cowardly to commit"; "Fate pursued his trails"; "lusty, buttered fingers of destiny"; "too meek to land the blow"; "more worthy than"; "without fail each day"; "pure white"; "A single letter adorns"; "a golden treasure"; "Overwhelmed senses"; "lost forever"; "abandoned by those whom he held closest"; "his own spawn"; "fertility of his manhood"; "Buffeted by snow"; "ineluctable fate which greets him"; "He is lost, Judas lives on"; "there is no reawakening"; "Man must suffer forever for his sins".

Here are the bits that I liked:
"words that mimic"; "I imagine a captain"; "Jesus wanders through the tundra"; "body causing an inch to melt".

Overall, I get the feeling that what you are writing about is not important to you in itself. Which is fine.
However, I also get the feeling that you're not sure what you are writing about, and so you've ended up trying to write 'impressive sounding nothing'.
It makes me doubt that you've even glanced at the Bible since Sunday school. Do you know it well enough to use Christian symbolism like this?

Hey /lit/. The small writing group we got going had a good go last Friday, so we're doing it again.

Scribophile Group: http://www.scribophile.com/groups/lit/

IRC Link: http://www.mibbit.com/#/lit/writers@irc.rizon.net

We meet every Friday to discuss how our writing went for the week. You can use this day to show what you've been working on and offer feedback to other folks. Every other day is general /lit/ discussion. You can talk about the book you're reading or what you're working on. The irc channel is laid back so as long as it's on topic you should be fine.

If you're interested, stop by. If not, hide the thread.