/lit/ - Literature

When I was laying down to sleep last night I recalled a painful memory. I had lost my I.D. and went back to the bar the next day to see if I had left it there. I had sat at the bar and asked the bartender to check, and while he swiped through a pile of I.D.s a girl sat down next to me. She asked, "Are you, Mark?" I glanced over at the gorgeous girl and quickly replied "No." She says "Oh, because I'm here for a blind date and I was hoping you were him." Again I quickly reply "Oh, nah." We sit in silence for a minute until the bartender returns and tells me he didn't find my I.D. I thank him for checking and about halfway on my drive home it hits me that the pretty girl was hitting on me and I completely fucked it.

I was born to lose. Everything I try I fail at. I should just stop trying, it only causes me more pain.

Friends told me they don't invite me out much anymore because I'm the only one not in a long-term relationship/engaged/married and they feel bad making me be the Xth wheel. I explained that it doesn't bother me, I don't want a romantic relationship. They explained that their significant other's are uncomfortable with me being single and think I'm a weirdo. But it's okay we can still game together and hang out once every couple of months.
I still have a few friends here and there, but this was my last friend-group. Feeling pretty alone and unwanted. I don't know what to do now.

I resolved to kill myself. I'm in the process of purchasing a gun to do it with. I'm saving money to cover my funeral costs so as not to burden my parents. And now I met a girl. She told me she likes me. It's giving me second thoughts. But I know this is temporary. I wanna die.