/lit/ - Literature

>early 30s
>ugly beta charismaless nerdy looking male
>no friends or social experiences since school
>no female attention ever
>done nothing with women ever, apart from prostitutes
>friendless loserdom continued all through university and multiple jobs (part time jobs during university and office jobs afterwards)
>become the ugly loser nobody talks to within a few days of starting all jobs
>living in London or other cities changed nothing
>just "going outside bro" changed nothing
>lifting weights for years changed nothing
>passing university, getting an ok paying job changed nothing
>current status: have a job, youth has gone, zero social life
>r9kpilled in 2012 during university
>Stirnerpilled in 2013
>incel blackpilled in 2014
>now even normies have caught up with blackpill logic
>not stupid or oversocialised enough to believe in any religions, philosophies, heuristics, habits, customs, esoterica, spiritual beliefs, dogmas, historical patterns, metaphysics, superstitions, social conformisms, groupthink, extrapolations, deductions (apart from on the page), forms, the supernatural or occult, aphorisms, nationalisms, ethics, probabilities, media slogans, memes
>totally unspooked individual

Welp, that's life. Teen years gone. Twenties gone. Nothing happened.

>early 30s
>ugly beta charismaless nerdy looking male
>no friends or social experiences since school
>no female attention ever
>done nothing with women ever, apart from prostitutes
>friendless loserdom continued all through university and multiple jobs (part time jobs during university and office jobs afterwards)
>become the ugly loser nobody talks to within a few days of starting all jobs
>living in London or other cities changed nothing
>just "going outside bro" changed nothing
>lifting weights for years changed nothing
>passing university, getting an ok paying job changed nothing
>current status: have a job, youth has gone, zero social life
>r9kpilled in 2012 during university
>Stirnerpilled in 2013
>incel blackpilled in 2014
>now even normies have caught up with blackpill logic
>not stupid or oversocialised enough to believe in any religions, philosophies, heuristics, habits, customs, esoterica, spiritual beliefs, dogmas, historical patterns, metaphysics, superstitions, social conformisms, groupthink, extrapolations, deductions (apart from on the page), forms, the supernatural or occult, aphorisms, nationalisms, ethics, probabilities, media slogans, memes
>totally unspooked individual

Welp, that's life. Teen years gone. Twenties gone. Nothing happened.

I'm in my early 30s. I'm an ugly beta male. I've had no friends since school and no experiences with women ever (dates, even flirting, or had any interest shown in me) apart from prostitutes.

I become the beta male at the bottom of any social circle I come in contact with. This includes being invited to no parties and not going to prom or school leaving parties during the final days of school. And having no social life at all during university. And being the ugly beta nobody talks to during all of my part time jobs in university summers and later full time jobs after university.

People are repulsed by me.

I have no interesting hobbies or passions in life. My main hobbies for the past 5+ years have been mindlessly browsing the internet, exercising, binging on junk food or coffee, or driving and going for aimless walks. I've read more books than the average person but I'm not overly interested in anything.

I failed an absolute shitload of graduate intern and job interviews and was in menial work after university. I eventually managed to get some good jobs and now I'm paid an ok salary (much more than the UK average but that is shit tier, so it's not saying much; and not high at the company I work at).

I'm not a posh person or a generic middle class person and do not fit in with these people. I am not a lower class person and don't fit in with these people.

I can tell from my jobs that people think lowly of me, no matter what I do. In my previous job I had multiple managers treat me like shit and tell me I didn't fit in.

I managed to escape to my current job, which pays more. But I can see myself not being promoted ever. The workplace is also more ruthless, so I could potentially be treated worse than before if people dislike me.

Normies fit in effortlessly and easily glide through normie filled institutions where they're judged solely on their normieness.

I'm not stupid enough to believe in any religions or any philosophies of life.

>went for a walk on a hot and sunny day after work
>saw some Staceys and felt sad
>early 30s, no female attraction ever, no friends since school
>bought doritos, skittles, ben and jerry's, toblerone... and a pepsi max
>now binging at home, feeling so depressilised
>plan to squat 385 lbs for 3 reps later today
>summer is two days away and I have a BMI of 33
>need to lose 50 lbs in 36 hours or else I'll have to wait until next summer for my late 90s/early 00s-style cliched teenage but not teenage coming of age tragicomefarce movie or pop-punk music video-like daydreams to materialise (despite having less than zero social life and a full time job)
>facing a summer that's positively houellebecqian in nature

>early 30s
>ugly beta charismaless nerdy looking male
>no friends or social experiences since school
>no female attention ever
>done nothing with women ever, apart from prostitutes
>friendless loserdom continued all through university and multiple jobs (part time jobs during university and office jobs afterwards)
>become the ugly loser nobody talks to within a few days of starting all jobs
>living in London or other cities changed nothing
>just "going outside bro" changed nothing
>lifting weights for years changed nothing
>passing university, getting an ok paying job changed nothing
>current status: have a job, youth has gone, zero social life
>r9kpilled in 2012 during university
>Stirnerpilled in 2013
>incel blackpilled in 2014
>now even normies have caught up with blackpill logic
>not stupid or oversocialised enough to believe in any religions, philosophies, heuristics, habits, customs, esoterica, spiritual beliefs, dogmas, historical patterns, metaphysics, superstitions, social conformisms, groupthink, extrapolations, deductions (apart from on the page), forms, the supernatural or occult, aphorisms, nationalisms, ethics, probabilities, media slogans, memes
>totally unspooked individual

Welp, that's life. Teen years gone. Twenties gone. Nothing happened.

>tfw ugly beta charismaless meek beta male
>tfw early 30s and life is over; youth is gone
>no friends since school
>no female attention ever; everythingless
>blackpilled enough to know I have a life on hard mode because I'm an ugly non-normie
>become the ugly loser nobody talks to within a week of all jobs; will never be successful in working world because it's all about being a normie
>autistness is noticed even when working from home
>have no passions in life
>hate my job
>life passing so quickly
>life aimless

Apart from reading and the gym, my trademark hobby in the past few years has been driving or walking around, feeling sad about life, hoping my life spontaneously starts, drinking coffee, and browsing 4chan on my phone. Of course, this was all aimless and pointless.

Binging on junk food and coffee have been my main pleasure in life in the past 8 years.

Welp, that's youth gone. I thought there'd be some epiphany or some event that would make me motivated to do anything but it never came.

Random memories from my loser 18-30 life:

>summers after end of school and first year of university where I had this feeling of lack of fulfillment, restlessness, sadness, without realising why (it was a mixture of not having discovered exercise and an everythingstential crisis)
>first few years at university where I was realising how much of a friendless loser I'd always be; there is a really sterile atmosphere to all of these memories that emphasises how there was never any hope
>discovering 4chan; discovering r9kpill; discovering incel blackpill in 2014 and seeing it become totally mainstream within past year
>seeing a party-like atmosphere during the first few weeks of a university term during the evening and realising I was too much of a loser to take part in it
>working in part time jobs during university summers, not knowing how care-free I was
>getting lots of job interviews during last few years of university and failing all of them; going to interview at Canary Wharf during midweek, coming back to my dull city
>getting my first post-university office job and it required a ridiculously low amount of work, to the extent it was Kafkaesque (but without me going insane); I remember having some sort of work assigned buddy and having to walk out of a meeting with her because the autist-normie gap was too awkward
>being a NEET for a few periods after university while waiting for jobs to start; driving around on sunny days or walking around London, not realising this was peak freedom; sitting in London library during a blazing hot sunny day, reading a book
>finding out in multiple jobs that people saw me as an autistic freak unfit for anything but the lowest level work; somehow my career is progressing

butterfly hasn't posted in a couple of days and I'm worried about her

>wasted entirety of yesterday evening on mindless internet browsing
>woke up this morning
>browsed internet on phone
>drank coffee while applying for jobs
>went to gym to do light cardio
>ate regular food at home
>felt strangely thin because I had gone almost two days without junk food
>intended to go to shops to walk around but wasted time online instead
>went to shiny supermarket, bought binge food (intended to only buy pepsi max at first)
>binged at home, now feel fat again
>now wasting time online
>will either play vidya or read a book

Welp, that's my Christmas Eve.

I'm thinking of finally watching movies in the christmas holidays. I have the great beauty on my laptop but haven't watched it yet. I remember going to see it in cinemas in 2013 but the cinema was shut for some reason, so I couldn't.

I have seen some of the cooler twitter users have anime avatars so I might watch Neon Genesis Evangelion but I doubt I'll get through it. Apart from some studio ghibli films I watched during the summer of 2009 or 2010 on tv, I've never liked anime.

That's my life, having to work hard to move from bottom feeder internet timewasting consumercuckoldry to a slightly more thoughtful consumercuckoldry.

I'm applying for jobs like crazy because my manager dislikes me at my current one and I think wants to fire me. I have interviews and I'm waiting for interview results. But I don't feel good. I'm ugly and I think the way I speak may be triggering to some people. I think I may speak in a fucked up manner, almost like the only parts contributing are my mouth and nose, rather than my chest, if you know what I mean.

I recently bought some physical books. I thought about buying Demons, and I thought about reading A Christmas Carol during this period but since those authors have bored me in the past I've decided not to read them until I feel like it won't take effort.

>be me, a wfh wagie
>had extremely busy first half of week, right up to Wednesday lunch time, but I survived and the most important meeting went well
>was able to take a longer lunch yesterday and then relax for rest of work day
>finish work at 5:30
>do chores
>browse internet while drinking coffee (not in car, it's dark outside)
>realise I am just unironically browsing 4chan with no aim after work, not even deluding myself in to thinking I will do anything productive
>have been tired after work recently but planned to go to gym later in evening
>decide to sleep for 30 minutes before going to gym
>sleep, wake up, realise there's no chance of gym
>sleep before midnight, woke up before 7 am
>wasted all the free time browsing internet in bed, drank coffee before work started
>worked
>job involves pointless paper pushing and making powerpoint slides that nobody cares about
>in pointless meetings, my camera is off and I'm browsing the internet
>realise how pointless my job is compared to people researching AI to solve all science problems at once
>realise how Hollywood actors do nothing between movies and they could not fathom how pathetic I look
>realise perceived competence in officecuckery is all appearances and Hollywood actors and youtubers are simply advanced normies that had the charisma necessary to reach escape velocity
>finish work at 5 pm, lmao0daylight left
>drinking coffee, plan to go to gym to do light cardio, then maybe read or waste time afterwards

This is not an edifying life but I think I will have less work worries by this time next week and I am planning on how to efficiently enjoy the daylight hours during Saturday. I can't believe just over a month ago I could sit in the sun during lunch times and feel zero work pressure.

I am a subhuman compared to

>people with fulfilling jobs like Silicon Valley programmers
>people who live in sunnny areas
>people aged under 25
>people with high paying jobs
>and so on

The future is a dystopia. The 90s/00s is starting to look unreal and magical. But I can't cope by saying it is better to be in my early 30s now than early 20s. Life has mostly ended.

At least I haven't binged for a while. My weight is lower than usual.

>woke up
>start work
>close to no work to do
>working from home, so I play vidya and browse internet on phone
>have lunch
>modify some pointless documents
>sit in pointless meetings
>finish work
>go driving, walk around while listening to Cum Town
>drink coffee in car
>feeling so demoralised by life, no inspiration
>buy junk food in shiny supermarket
>planned to eat it and then go to gym but did neither
>now lying in bed, browsing internet, plan to sleep early to get a headstart on tomorrow

I am so lacking in all vitality and inspiration. I am so ugly and charismaless. I can't muster the energy to do anything in my free time.

My job is so pointless but also so low effort. If I managed to switch jobs I don't know if higher pay could compensate for having to do work. I'm seeing the coming decades as a total grind.

When you're an ugly beta, people treat you like shit. People screw me over whenever they have any discretion.

>be me
>every weekday has followed the pattern of waking up around an hour early and not quite getting enough sleep before work, although I haven't felt too tired
>Monday at work was really boring; in the middle of the day I watched Dude Where's My Car and Not Another Teen Movies while feeling horrified at how far the 90s/early 00s are
>rest of the weekdays have been nothing very memorable
>go driving and drinking coffee every day after work to try to recreate the weekend feel
>sometimes go walking as well in the bright evenings; go for short 40 minute walks while listening to podcasts
>lifting has continued to go well despite less than perfect sleep
>work up at 10.15 am on Saturday morning
>browse internet in bed
>went driving; currently drinking coffee in car while browsing internet; will read a book soon and buy junk food on way home
>plan to eat at home, browse internet, go for a walk, then go jogging, then I don't know what

It's a typical Saturday.

I have been banned so much from my home WiFi. And I can't post topics on a mobile phone.

>be me
>finish work on Friday evening
>watch tennis for rest of evening then go to gym and lift heavy weights
>go back home, sleep
>wake up on Saturday morning
>really hot and sunny day
>browse internet in bed
>go jogging
>do some chores
>eat regular food
>browse internet
>play vidya but only for 15 minutes before being bored
>go for a drive and coffee in the hot sun; browse internet in car, read a book
>go for an aimless walk around a park in late afternoon; happy normies everywhere, walk in nature
>walk for about 40 minutes while listening to Cum Town before realising I have nothing else I want to do
>go for a short and pointless drive and then have a fast food binge (while reading alt right twitter, which is the habit)
>browse internet at home, sleep
>wake up before 9 am on Sunday
>browse internet on phone, lie in bed for another hour
>go to gym and lift heavy weights
>eat regular food at home plus some junk food
>watch tennis for 4 hours
>go for a walk outside; walk for between 1.5 and 2 hours while listening to Cum Town and a podcast with Moldbug on it
>go for a pointless drive and coffee at a too late time
>go to supermarket and buy two more bits of food
>eat rest of junk food at home
>now browsing internet, will go to bed soon and browse internet or read

Playing vidya feels so pointless these days. There are only two games I really want to play and two I want to replay (all of them are colourful wapanese games).

The weekend feels so lost and watching tennis shortened it a lot. After enduring the autumn and winter with little daylight, plus snow later on, summer is finally here but I can't actually remember what I was looking forward to or expected to happen. Nothing is happening.

My job is so fucking boring. It's a load of pointless responsibilities that barely add up to anything. There are developments in this space you wouldn't quite believe, and which I wouldn't believe if I had told my past self, although my only remaining paths are skilless overpaid paper pusher type jobs. I am a fraud (although much less of a fraud than others) and I cringe at how much I will be making soon.

The cool and empty supermarket tonight was initially kino but I was triggered by cheap cardboard packaging in the dry goods area and remembered my undignified retailcucking days.

>be me
>finished work on Friday evening
>lie in bed to retain my energy
>go driving outside, drinking coffee, browsing internet on phone
>go to gym and lift heavy weights
>waste rest of waking hours in internet, sleep
>woke up at 8.30 am
>browsed internet, lied in bed more
>drove around, drank coffee and read in car
>ate regular food and junk food
>went for a medium length walk in the hot sun; was demoralised after seeing so many Staceys
>went jogging
>watched tennis and ate some more junk food
>lying in bed, will read and then sleep

When I walked outside the gym yesterday evening it was still warm and I realised it was June and summer had started. It felt like when a video game character is walking at the end of a cutscene and then it switches to gameplay and the level starts.

I looked through my bank balance history this morning and the story was mostly as I remembered it. I had lots of money as a student and wasted it all at a rate so fast that my part time jobs were mostly pointless. I paid zero attention to money. At some points during my no work job in London I had a negative bank balance at the end of the month. I saw how many times I had asked my parents to send me extra money. I think I only felt ashamed during the first 2 or 3 times. But I think the waste of time during that period definitely hurts more. My jobs were all so pointless. My first London one especially was humiliating now that I think of it. If I was one of my coworkers I'd think that I was doomed and low IQ.

There was no grand epiphany that stopped the above issues. I simply managed to pass a job interview process for a career track job, was given more responsibility at work, and corona allowed me to save much more money.

I'm worried at how badly my ugliness and my quiet, non-normie demeanour may be hurting my career prospects. Seeing normies at work interacting is demoralising.

>woke up slightly early for work today
>browsed internet for an hour on phone instead of sleeping again
>started work
>it was sunny outside and I felt sad because I was inside
>sent some emails
>did some work
>went for lunch and ate food
>finished lunch
>had a boring meeting that I phoned in to instead of using the video call software
>spent the entire afternoon after, apart from during one meeting, watching tennis or browsing the internet or both
>spent 10 minutes at the end of the day on work
>felt this big rush of demoralisation at the end of the day because of how pointless one task was and how much pointless bureaucracy it involved and how I'd have to do it tomorrow and ask someone else some questions about it and then they'd take ten million years to get back to me
>lie in bed after work; feel tired because I missed an hour of sleep but the coffee meant I had little chance of sleeping
>go driving outside
>decide to buy big bag of chocolate and big bag of sweets from a discount store
>also buy coffee
>now sitting in car, drinking coffee, browsing internet
>thought I might do productive stuff tonight but decided the best I can hope for is jogging and reading and hoping tomorrow will be productive

It's such a mundane day. I was driving after work and I felt that atmosphere of things being totally stagnant and nothing exciting being possible. I wish I had any expertise or skill in anything so I could do productive stuff instead of my job.

I was reading post-blackpill rationalist advice for ugly betas earlier today. Advice for ugly betas by people logical enough to know the blackpill is true but without the balls to admit things are hopeless.

I listened to a few older Cum Town clips and, even though they were cherry picked, it was shockingly better than now. Every but that talks about their old part time jobs is gold.

I was unironically listening to this song during work: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tiFJ70zNtlQ

>be me
>had a fast food binge last night and didn't feel too fat because of the morning's heavy lifting and the long walk I had earlier on Sunday
>waste rest of evening, sleep at 2 am
>woke up at 7.30 am this morning, browsed internet on phone in bed until 9 am
>slept until noon; felt like I had let the day pass by (it's a bank holiday)
>go for a drive, a coffee, internet browsing and reading book in car, bought chocolate on way home
>ate regular food and chocolate; watched french open; wasted another few hours
>went for a walk for around an hour and half while listening to Cum Town
>now having a coffee in the car just after 9 pm; dragging the 3 day weekend to its conclusion; will probably go jogging later tonight
>work restarts tomorrow

I decided to spend some thousands earlier today to pay off the rest of my student loan but decided otherwise because it is better to wait right now.

This has been a sad and mournful Monday. Friday evening and Saturday morning feel so far back and like such happy carefree times. Today has felt like a waste. I don't dread work a lot, despite it being boring (though I'm blocking out the thought of socialising). I dread the evenings after work, where I'll feel pressure to do productive stuff but I know I'll waste them.

The lockdown and remote working has raised my quality of life by an incredible proportion. The normies at work are desperate to bash my brains in with small talk, kick me in the balls with their "how was your weekend"s, waterboard me with "do you want to go for lunch as a team", etc.

At least this will only be a four day work week.

>be me
>went jogging on Saturday morning
>went driving, drank coffee, read a book, bought junk food
>ate regular food and some junk food at home
>stayed at home, wasted time until I watched football at 8 pm
>played vidya and it felt like such a braindead waste of time
>watched football, ate more junk food
>wasted time afterwards, slept
>woke up on Sunday morning
>went to gym and lifted heavy weights; felt great, although I felt sad at seeing gymthots
>ate some regular food at home
>went for my patented 11 mile walk in the sun; the first walk this year where it really felt like summer; saw Staceys and felt sad
>listened to Cum Town and other podcasts
>now driving around and drinking coffee; will have a well earned Sunday fast food binge
>have a bank holiday tomorrow but somehow the Sunday mourning is still present and I don't foresee tomorrow being very happy

There are no more bank holidays until August.

This time last year I was playing an incredible videogame. That time is now filled with nostalgia. I didn't previously think I could enjoy a game that much and be so immersed. After I completed it I immediately played an older game in the series, although I didn't finish that until early this year because it wasn't as good, although the music and atmosphere were kino. I was feeling nostalgia for that game in the past few evenings.

My monthly wage was deposited in to my bank account. I hope /wfh/ goes on forever.

Thinking about how my summer will be wasted like all previous summers. I do nothing with my life and waste all my free time on consumercuckoldry. I'm too ugly to have a social life. I remember summer 2013 where I saw Man of Steel and Star Trek in cinemas.

Thinking about how utterly lifemogged I am by so many people. I saw that Porter Robinson had a new album and, wow, does he lifemog me.

I have no technical expertise in anything. I'm so unpleasant for normies to be around.

The world is becoming distinctly non-comfy. Malls are dying.

>be me
>normal week at work; a bit more productive than usual
>Monday to Wednesday followed the same pattern: I'd wake up at 7 or 8 am after sleeping late, browse the internet instead of sleeping, then starting work really fucking tired; would sleep for a few hours after work
>6 pm on Monday; was lying under my covers with the curtains closed, trying to sleep, laughing to myself about the phrase "Do the Sneedful", and felt so absurd as someone in my early 30s
>finished work today, went for a walk in a park afterwards while listening to an aimless Richard Spencer podcast, now drinking coffee in a car, about to read the past two Moldbugkinos; will go to gym later

It's hitting home how wasted my life has been. My youth has gone. If I had ever gone to parties or done anything social I would have been the ugly awkward loser. Instead, I was the ugly awkward loser on my own.

It was payday today and I felt good putting money in to stonks, crypto, cash, bonds. I'm richer than I've ever been. Although I was randomly reading NBA Wikipedia profiles and then thinking about how they'd view me as a pathetic being. They probably went for poverty to extreme wealth. Meanwhile, I work a middle class makework job and don't even earn enough to buy houses or cars.

I considered trying out being frugal but it seems like it's not for me.

I haven't done anything producerbullworthy for over two weeks.

>finished work on Friday evening
>went driving outside, drank coffee, browsed internet on phone, wasted rest of evening (decided not to bother jogging)
>woke up on Saturday morning
>went driving and drinking coffee; read book in car; bought some junk food on way home
>ate regular food; ate junk food; browsed internet
>spent rest of afternoon and start of evening wasting time online, reading a book
>went to gym in evening; workout went well
>browsed internet until sleep
>woke up on Sunday morning
>went driving, drank coffee, read book
>ate regular food
>went for an 11 mile walk while listening to Cum Town and a few other things
>finished walk; had a large fast food binge; felt fat afterwards (still feel fat now)
>have been wasting time online since then; will sleep soon

I have some more work to do at work. I'm kind of cringing at how menial my job is. I have to push paper and ask other people to push paper. I looked at the Ethereum whitepaper and felt so subhuman.

Earlier in the week I finished reading a long pseudy novel.

Hopefully I'll restart doing producerbull stuff after work. That hasn't happened for over 2 weeks.

I should give up the large fast food binges, even though I leave them only for weekends now.

My crypto returns have gone from about +30 % to slightly less than 0 %. I'm finding it funny.

>be me
>went for a jog yesterday evening
>went for a pointless drive and then a big fast food binge like in pre-covid times; read alt right twitter as I ate and saw how doomed civilised society is
>go back home, waste rest of evening
>wake up in morning
>start work
>work
>work feels so pointless; morning is an email barrage (me emailing other people) and I have a mid-day workstential crisis that culminates in a few successful shitposting topics on a few boards
>finish work later on (middle 4 hours of work felt like a melange of lunch, pointless meetings, shitposting)
>lie in bed for a few minutes, decide to go for a pointless drive and pointless coffee
>coffee tastes so bland and milky; day is so bland; had already made the shitposting and online browsing rounds multiple times during work
>bought some regular food
>now back home, will go to gym right now

The slow, crushing inevitability of Nadal winning every clay court tournament has perfectly lined up with almost every single summer induced existential crisis of my adult and late teen life.

My job is so pointless, it's unreal. It felt really surreal being in a supermarket, buying stuff, seeing people push around trolleys in their jobs and knowing I sat at a computer and did pointless crap. I remember in a previous job I saw the corporate failings that made my job necessary. Now I see the corporate failings that lead to my job wrongly having been created and how more like it will be made. I tried to look for improvements to things and the solutions I found would have made things (within the company) much worse.

I have no personality. I am a big nothing.

Currently feeling sad at not being American.

The goldrushes are right in front of me: crypto, youtubing, substack, onlyfans, codemonkeying. I'm not going to participate in any of them in a substantial way.

>be me
>woke up at around 11.15 am on Sunday
>browse internet on phone in bed for over an hour
>eat regular food
>went outside, drove around, drank coffee, read a really pseudy book
>went for a 2+ hour walk while listening to Cum Town
>have a fast food binge
>waste time until 1 am
>sleep
>wake up at 7 am today, have chores to do
>go back to sleep at 8 am, wake up after 11 after really necessary sleep
>go driving, drink coffee (chocolate latte), start reading a new book in the car
>buy binge food on way home
>eat regular food and have a binge
>waste time on internet
>spend 1 hour doing producerbull stuff and it goes well
>now browsing internet, plan to go to gym later

It was pay day and I am now financially comfortable enough to gamble on shitcoins.

Internet timewasting can be brutal for free time.

This three day weekend has not been lived fully.

I was thinking and realised I thought "10 years ago when I was in university" and that is depressing.

>be me
>ate junk food last night
>slept quite late, at 2 am, after browsing the internet on my phone in bed
>wake up just before 8 am; browse internet on phone instead of sleeping more
>try to sleep later for 20 minutes but have to start work while tired
>work
>boring day at work
>finish work
>go to gym
>go driving and drinking Starbucks
>watching Chauvin trial on phone
>confident that I'll do productive stuff in my free time when I get home (srs)

I remembered this memory of my first day at university when I was doing this team building exercise and I realised how little I identified with normies and how I was unable to socialise with them. I remember I had to stand somewhere else during breaks and avoid them at lunch to avoid awkwardness.

My work is so menial and boring.

I think I can finally do productive stuff in my free time. I no longer feel the mental block. But I feel sad that this will take time away from browsing the internet, walking or driving aimlessly outside, and so on.

>be me
>yesterday's greentext ended with me drinking coffee in my car in the afternoon
>bought binge food
>ate regular food and junk food at home
>browsed internet
>went for a walk for just over 2 hours; listened to Cum Town and another podcast
>browsed internet at home
>went to gym; lifting felt good
>browsed internet in bed; started reading; went to sleep at midnight
>woke up at 8 am
>browsed internet, drank coffee until I needed a shit before my walk
>went for my patented 10 to 11 mile walk; listened to various podcasts
>saw this group of young people doing weird 'team building' stuff in a famous park; maybe it was cross fit because many of the women had asses that make you ask whether coffee is good for you
>went for a 1.5 mile jog straight after the walk
>ate food; had some junk food
>now gone driving, drinking coffee and browsing internet in car; will soon read
>nothing else of note will happen today (may have some more chocolate before the weekend ends)

I said I wouldn't have Sunday mourning, and I don't, but I do have some minor nostalgia for the drive on Friday evening, when it was sunny.

Feels sad that the American Psycho movie spawned so many memes and quotes but there will never be more hours of it.

Currently feeling jelly that I'm not an American. The UK is so finished. UK and EU elites are simply knock-off US elites. It's all so boring.

I think tomorrow may be the day I start doing productive stuff in my free time.

>be me
>been to gym on Tuesday and Thursday; will go later today
>had extreme DOMS for a few days
>normal week at work; finished on Friday afternoon
>watched Nadal win the second set; went jogging; came back to see he'd lost
>went for a drive, drank Costa coffee; bought some carby food, ate it at home (haven't had junk food for all 5 weekdays)
>browse internet until 2.30 am
>was triggered by random, assorted meme images on 4chan (one was the webm on /lit/ if college students partying), started feeling an extreme mourning for my ugliness, my lost youth, my aimless life
>also listened to music that I realised I listened to a lot in that final, really hot summer before my 9-5 wagecucking began in earnest
>watched the ending scene of The Beach on YouTube (never seen the movie) and felt so mournful for a youth I never had and was genetically incapable of having
>slept for 8 hours
>did a few chores
>now in car, drinking coffee, in hot and sunny weather
>don't have any plans for this weekend apart from the usual stuff
>work isn't busy enough for there to be any Sunday mourning either; and my manager is on holiday all week, which is a great thing even while working remotely

I need to start doing anything at all with my life. My job is so brain-dead. I get no sense of accomplishment from it.

Covid has been so good for me financially.

Being an ugly loser has really made me lose all empathy for other people. They all have lives on easy mode. Being a normie means you effortlessly fit in anywhere and can accuse anyone of not fitting in of "not having emotional intelligence" or "empathy" or "relationship building skills".

The Chauvin trial has mostly been boring since the first week but the testimony of the Rhodesian pathologist was kino.

>be me
>wake up on Monday morning
>browse internet for an hour before work instead of sleeping more
>start work
>work
>have lunch; read crypto Twitter and silicon valley Twitter and feel subhuman but inspired to do something (I don't know what)
>finish work
>Monday had almost all of my tricky meetings for the week and after Tuesday I can spend all my time coasting
>go jogging after work; gyms open but I'm leaving the first gym visit until Tuesday
>jogging goes well
>go driving outside
>now that there's more daytime in the evenings I can waste time in a weekend style on weekday evenings
>drink coffee in car and watch Chauvin trial and browse internet on my phone
>it gets dark fairly quickly and the drive feels like a failure
>buy regular food; feel like finishing Monday at work, plus all the most difficult meetings, plus the good jog, entitles me to some non-junk food carby food (supermarket sandwiches); eat that at home
>waste time online while lying in bed
>go to sleep just in time to have 8 hours before work
>work up at 7 am on Tuesday
>have browsed internet for over an hour instead of going back to sleep
>will go back to sleep now

Currently feeling sad about having no productive hobbies. Hopefully I will try to fix this.

Currently feeling sad about not being young.

Currently feeling sad about never having seized the day.

Currently feeling sad about not being an American.

Currently feeling sad that I can't play that videogame I completed last summer for the first time again.