/lit/ - Literature

I wasted my 20s, instead of chasing goals, asking women out I was addicted to porn. The dopamine kicks were common enough to stay sedated, artificial stimuli was enoughnto be happy. I will never quit, self inflicted pavlovian conditioning rewired my brain, that can only lust for artificial pleasure now. Somaesque state was too comforting and too attainable. I became wanker, destroyer of ambition.

I wasted my 20s watching porn. No meaningfull romance. no intimacy, no need to be loved. I destroyed my brain with self inflicted pavlovian codnditioning. There was no need to do better in life, what for, if I could every day dive into the sea of artificial stimuli. The kink mechanism was perfectly crafted, with guilt slowly becoming part of it. Weak willed looser, who couldn't stand up to his animalistic instincts. Somaesque pleasure was always there, not watching porn was just as possible, as breathing underwater. I became a wanker, destroyer of ambition. And I will not stop, consumption of debauchery has melted with my brain, it became part of my personality. If I quit I will crumble under weight of realisation that I could have done it years ago, and things would be different. Not better, not worse, but different. I like polar expeditions, Shackelton was a mad lad.