/lit/ - Literature

Dear /lit/, I come to you seeking opinions and criticism of a short story I wrote. I'd like to say it's of the "strange fiction" genre. It's only a bit over 3,000 words, and I'd appreciate it if you took the time to read over it. Taking a trip just for this thread.

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"I saw him when I was taking a nap with my grandmother, she never woke up from that nap. I didn't either. I see shadows always, always. I'm terrified of them. They know when I speak of them. They follow me. They find me. Other people I know see them around me. Is--" he stopped for a moment, looking to the right of him. It was the wall of his prison cell. After staring for a moment, he continued. "It's so horrible. I don't know how to tell you what they begin to do to my mind. I almost cry when I think about them. My grandmother told me it's something that happens to every other generation in my family. She doesn't know what they want b-but--"
"Quiet! We don't want to hear of your grandmother, or your shadows. You're a weak one, losing yourself so quickly. Barely been dead a month, and you're already crazy." Histern cut Dreg off, weary of his rambling. The crazed spirit constantly sat in his corner, rocking back and forth with his knees to his chest, talking of his grandmother. And really, Cess thought it was getting annoying.

He hadn't been dead long. Maybe a couple of weeks. Histern and Dreg were his cell mates, and both had been there when he arrived. Trying to live again. That's what they were in for. The dead did not belong in the mortal plane, and so the Manifest was created: for those who wanted to experience life when dead. Cess thought he'd be fond of it. He was wrong. And so, like his cell mates, he tried to escape, to find actual life again, only to be sent back to the imitation made for those free of mortal bonds.

Mephistopheles! I've bound you to contract, repaying it with my soul! Now, come to me, and let these doubles roll!

Spirit

Who calls me?

Faust (Looking away)

Terrible to gaze at!

Spirit

Mightily you have drawn me to you,
Long, from my sphere, snatched your food,
And now –

Faust

Ah!Endure you, I cannot! 485

Spirit

You beg me to show myself, you implore,
You wish to hear my voice, and see my face:
The mighty prayer of your soul weighs
With me, I am here! – What wretched terror
Grips you, the Superhuman! Where is your soul’s calling? 490
Where is the heart that made a world inside, enthralling:
Carried it, nourished it, swollen with joy, so tremulous,
That you too might be a Spirit, one of us?
Where are you, Faust, whose ringing voice
Drew towards me with all your force? 495
Are you he, who, breathing my breath,
Trembles in all your life’s depths,
A fearful, writhing worm?