/lit/ - Literature

>"Do you not see that you are deceiving yourself, that you are seeking your own destruction? Why must you love me, me only, who belong to another? I fear, I much fear, that it is only the impossibility of possessing me which makes your desire for me so strong."
holy fucking kino, this is literally me. truly the quintessential incel read

>go on 2 dates with girl
>goes well
>End of second date I ask her if she's interested in me
>Says she is but she wasn't really looking for anything as she got out of a relationship not too long ago but she does like hanging out with me
>Say I understand
>Get home, get drunk. Text her that I like her a lot but understand where she's coming from, but if there's interest there on both sides perhaps we could try just taking it slow
>Thanks me for understanding and says she just doesn't want to jump into anything then suggests we go see a movie or something this weekend, says she'll text me when she's free

Fuck. I hate this paranoia I have. As if every moment she's just losing interest in me and solidifying a decision to not continue with me. Especially as the ball is in her court and she's supposed to be the one who texts me. And its annoying as well, taking a girl on 2 dates and paying for everything (i know, i know).
Yet it all became nothing. Everything, my bitterness towards life, my family. All my beliefs, all my time spent studying literature and philosophy, searching for something. My existential breakdowns as I tried to extract meaning from my life or look for what would fulfill my life and give me meaning. All my sadposts on /lit/. It was all reduced to nothing in a mere instant. As I told her a joke and made her laugh and smile, our eyes then met. And I felt a true warmth inside me that I haven't felt in so long. Like maybe I'm not hopeless and doomed. Probably sounds gay, but it was really a moment of clarity and happiness

Have a date tomorrow. Haven't spoken to a girl in any kind of intimate pretense in a few years, feel like I have no idea what to say. And due to my past experiences I'm (unsuccessfully) keeping my hopes down, a few times I've had plans just for them to cancel the last minute.

If it does happen I'm sure it'll be fine, I am excited. But I don't know what I even want, I think I want a gf, but I feel incapable of being with a girl for a long period of time. We'll see.
I also don't know if I'm like supposed to go to her door, or do I text her when I get there, or do I wait outside my car for her or stay sitting? Would I hug her if I wait for her outside? I hate that type of shit

It's always a sobering feeling when you realize someone you love doesn't give a shit about you. When you realize they just use you for their benefit.
I always knew. But now I know.
But I think that's it for me, I don't think I have anymore love to give to another person. I never had a lot, but I'm spent. I really don't think I could ever be with someone long term and this was the final attempt. A hookup (if I could ever get one) will be enough to stay off the surface loneliness, but the deeper loneliness I don't think I can do anything about

I'll see her again in class tomorrow. I've not a clue what will ensue. I'm more terrified about the possibility that something shall come out of it.

>>11949536
“An angel! Nonsense! Everybody so describes his mistress; and yet I find it impossible to tell you how perfect she is, or why she is so perfect: suffice it to say she has captivated all my senses.”

>"Is it not better to fall into the hands of a murderer, than into the dreams of a lustful woman?"

Yet already I begin to fall into her dreams, despite hardly knowing her. I thought it silly when reading similar posts in these threads about women; yet here I am, doing the exact same. Lord, do I ever despise this base biological impetus. Abstinent or not, I cannot resist her.