/lit/ - Literature

>>21767960
Get lost, Guido: what is this, an audition for Goodfellas 2? Shouldn't you be slicking your greasy hair back and robbing at gunpoint someone who owes money to the Mafia? Get him outta here, fuggedaboudit.

>>21767920
Much thanks. I do need to better wed sound with theme. I enjoyed your poem and I'll offer my own critique if I may.

"The scale of mind's congealing lime" is the most interesting line for me and yet something is off. I'm having a hard time visualizing it but I can sense there's a compression of meaning there: it's Shakespearean in that regard. "An autumn interlude" is a lovely refrain and is musically pleasing. Much of your imagery seems borrowed from Romantic poets, particularly Wordsworth, whom I felt I was reading, which may have enhanced my initial appreciation of it given its familiarity. At the same time it also seems dull and dependent on Romantic cliches to me upon further readings (I also don't care for Wordsworth so that may explain my skepticism). "Attain an autumn by the throat" is jarring and doesn't work I think: it's too harsh and violent for me and doesn't follow the rest of the poem's tone. "Fall leaves in longing vowels" is a genuinely good line, and something about "feathered hours" touches me. "Praying eaves" is fine, but I'm not a fan of personification.

Good stuff. I think "scale of mind's congealing lime" is the seed from which other compact and fulfilling thoughts may spread: that line in particular makes the rest of the poem disappointing, albeit pleasant, when I realize the potentiality of what could've been expressed. Did Shakespeare train me to look for those lines? I wonder what Guido has to say about it.