/lit/ - Literature

my diary desu

>>5728828
>english BA, creative writing MFA from two tier 1 universities
>living in nyc
>unemployed since graduating in may
>couldn't pay rent
>hundreds of resumes sent, only a few interviews
>family dirt poor, no financial help
>evicted, lost all belongings
>moved back in with family across the country
>31 years old
>can't get a job here either

i can't take it no more. wtf am i supposed to do?

Does this produce feels?


I spent the next few weeks constantly by the side of my mother, trying to forget that strange night. She was so weak she could no longer get out of bed, and I rarely got more than a word or two out of her. Though it was difficult to sit by and watch her die, I could tell that my presence comforted her. She would smile as I slipped my fingers between hers, her eyes looking up from her pillow into mine.
Sometimes, once the nurse had gone away and we were alone, I could see fear in her eyes. I knew she was afraid, but who wouldn’t be? I wanted to take the pain and anxiety away, but I knew there was nothing I could do but sit there beside her, hiding my own feelings behind feeble smiles and words of love and encouragement.
Though it may sound morbid to some, I began to look at her passing in a more positive light. Surely, once we’re gone the fear can no longer linger in our chest and weakness can no longer pin us down to beds as if they were prisons. It can’t be so bad after that final moment, though the buildup is paralyzing, there must be release, some kind of climax of the soul before that eternal, dreamless sleep.
When the moment came I was by her side, holding her hand tightly. She looked up at me one final time, then...release. One final breath before her hand went limp and her eyes sunk slowly down.
It’s so strange to look at the lifeless body of someone you once loved. If you’ve ever experienced it you’ll know exactly what I mean. Something about it, the body, laying there silently, perfectly still. Somehow you know it’s not them anymore. It doesn’t even look like them anymore.
I cried for some time, keeping her hand in mine, some part of me still not accepting that it was over, still expecting her to look up in to my eyes one more time and smile.

>Give mother to read Plato's Republic, as she's of Greek descent
>What possible use will I get from reading it?
>The stuff these Greeks write of, aren't much of it outdated?
>mfw
>Plato breakdancing in his grave etc.

At least she has a thing for Chekhov, Tolstoy, Bulgakov et al Russian heavyweights

>>3540766
>Welcome to the new Dark Ages: the Age of Scientism.

Is there a cure? With the birth of internet, it only further spreads and advocates the scientific dogma

>tfw thinking about all the books I could've bought with the money I've spent on smokes out of habit.

When I was a teen I went through the whole "I know everything if everyone else just thought like me the world would be perfect" phase, then around 19 I started reading and realized I didn't know anything.
Now the world just seems so complex and there's so many political and moral views that I just don't know what to think anymore.
I just feel stupid every time I state an opinion because I know that there's so much I don't know. And at the same time I feel like everyone else who states opinions is stupid because they have such limited knowledge.
I'm just so confused about anything I can't even form basic political opinions anymore.

Did reading do this to anyone else?
I'd almost rather be ignorant of it all and just nestle myself in some intellectual corner.

So for the last two years I've been coming on /lit/ almost every day. I read for hours a day and finished at least one good sized book a week.
For some reason starting three weeks ago I just suddenly lost all desire to read. Whenever I pick up a book it's like a get instantly restless and put it down.
What's my problem?
Has this ever happened to any of you?
This used to be my life

>>3161860

>>3152556

>>3132105

Did anyone else think the ending to 1984 was uplifting because Winston learned to love life despite it not being perfect and felt bad when everyone said it wasn't supposed to be like that.

>>3042581
10/10

will read to grandchildren

>tfw no e-reader

Lots of anons on /fit/ are bros, too bad shitposters always have to ruin that image.