/lit/ - Literature

>>14254169
it’s been a while since I last saw her, but I still think about her, every day.

I still cannot get her out of my mind.

>>13999419
unending love and the pain that goes with it

>>13958030
Except for spiritual matters, I’m only driven by love for a young girl. In this oversocialized, degenerate techno-dystopia, she’s the only thing that keeps me going with a smile.

>>13954232
Because it was more than simple lust, duh. You wouldn’t understand

My seeing her will be delayed by a few days. It would not be so painful if I had not expected to see her sooner, and I will definitely be tempted by other girls until then. I can’t wait until I’m able to look at a girl with excitement free from lust. It’s the kind of love that makes you feel light, and pure. I’ve been considering the possibility that I won’t end up with her, and what my course of action might be. Perhaps I will choose to be a chaste man, marrying no woman, and never spilling my seed. This idea captures me: either I will be able to love her, and be happy, or I will make myself celibate, and also be happy. I’ll continue to keep my goal in my mind, and hope that God gives me strength to stay on the path that leads me there.

My seeing her will be delayed by a few days. It would not be so painful if I had not expected to see her sooner, and I will definitely be tempted by other girls until then. I can’t wait until I’m able to look at a girl with excitement free from lust. It’s the kind of love that makes you feel light, and pure. I’ve been considering the possibility that I won’t end up with her, and what my course of action might be. Perhaps I will choose to be a chaste man, marrying no woman, and never spilling my seed. This idea captures me: either I will be able to love her, and be happy, or I will make myself celibate, and also be happy. I’ll continue to keep my goal in my mind, and pray that God gives me strength to stay on the path that leads me there.

I successfully quit 4chan for a day through vowing to God. However, I wasn’t so productive with my time. I read a few pages of Coiled Serpent and extended my nofap streak to day 14, but I wasted so much time on YouTube and games that I didn’t study as much as I should have. Occasionally I’ll wonder if I have what it takes to finally improve myself and make myself stand out. I will have to, if I want to be with her. If only I had as much love for God as I did for her, then I would not be so torn right now. But still, it is a good thing to have a wife. Well, I’ll have to be waiting a while for that good thing. And it’s not easy. Several girls around campus have either obviously or subtlety indicated interest in me, which is usually not a big deal, but two in particular have been in my mind recently, one because of lust, and another because I enjoy being around her. One shakes her butt for me, the other desperately wants me to make a move, saying things so obviously manipulative that it’s hard not to start laughing right to her face. But she’s nice, and I like talking to her, especially since no girls ever willingly talk to me as a friend. I have few friends in general, but that’s mostly because of my quiet personality. In high school, everyone was my friend. In college, I can count them on my hands.

But everyday, she’s always on my mind. When I look in the mirror I wonder if I’ll be good enough. When I’m exercising and feel like giving in to the pain, i think of her. I wish I could say that I study for her, but I can’t. It’s just so boring, and I’ll have a 4.0 with minimum effort anyway, so my body detests the unnecessary work. Always, I think of what the perfect path of action might be, and how significant the difference in result is between the perfect path and the path I’m on now. Sometimes, I convince myself there is no real difference. “I don’t need to do all this. I’ll be with her anyway.” Or “I don’t need to do all this. I’ll never be with her anyway.” If only I knew what it takes, then I would do it all with no complaints.