/lit/ - Literature

>>7200683
this is really good anon
i was taken aback by the last lines though - is the protag abusive..? intriguing tho! really well done.

>>7200685
>>7200636
>its supposed to be crap because the protag is a crap kind of guy this concept is posted about fifty times per thread. not saying its bad or anything but you do need to give it a pretty worthwhile deviation on the norm which most don't. dialogue is best part, the deliberately over wordy prose sections are hit and miss. however other anon was wrong to call out the first sentence, which is really funny and establishes a ramshackle nature to the text

>>7200751
good good good if this is the same anon as whoever is posting the lazy cutnmix samples above this is of far higher quality than the rest

>>7200992
very easy reading, good flow. reminds me of the kind of prose for a popular thriller like the harry quebert affair more than a new sincere guy like tao lin. i like it could easily read more. the part where he talks to himself in the supermarket is good fun. the end is unnecessary, i want to know more of this character. don't kill him off so soon. also "inane platitudes" sounds wrong would replace that. good stuff

>>7201025
>thou art
>thy
>vile venom of a commoner
lol terrible

>>7201062
it will stand out as not your own for its high quality im afraid

>>7201248
overblown melodrama reminds me of emo song lyrics or a post on tumblr that come sup under a search for "dark emotional heartbreak" or something. tbh that's not really a bad thing though and i like a few of the observations here like the ripped jeans versus buttons and tie which reminds of a certain kind of person irl... its the particulars which don't stick such as the writing on the cig. who does that?? would anyone (isn't ink toxic?) ?? and then who could read it from the distance where you are examining his full attire..?? not too shabby though anon keep at it

>>7202091
it's still good anon. the part about the triangle winking shut like an eye is nice